Why You Don’t Meet Guys In Clubs: The Creepiest Texting Encounter Ever

*All names in this article have been changed.

Look, I’m not stupid.  I don’t go to clubs expecting to find Mr. Right–in fact, guys are the only thing deterring me from clubbing more often.  I’ve only gone twice, and both times happened solely because I just wanted to dance and hang out with friends.  One of those times happened to be on a recent Saturday night, when some of my friends and I went to a club in DC.  Now, I’m not into meeting guys at clubs, but I will give people a chance if they come up to talk to me, particularly if they happen to have French accents and I’m drunk.  So when a guy with a French accent came up and started talking to me, I decided it would be fun to talk to him for a bit.  After all, he seemed nice enough, and I found out that he was here from France because he was touring as a fire-twirler for Cirque de Soliel, and as I mentioned, he had a French accent. Cool, right?  I mean, he wasn’t exactly attractive and he was definitely kind of weird, but if nothing else, I wanted to talk to him because I’m always on the prowl for free tickets.   But that’s all we did.  We chatted about life, he provided some verification that he was indeed a fire-twirler for Cirque de Soliel, and we parted our merry ways.  The entire interaction took less than 20 minutes.

Keep that in mind.

When I said I was leaving, he asked for my number.  I knew that nothing was going to come of it, but I gave it to him anyway because he seemed nice and interesting enough.  Yeah.  Never doing THAT again.  You see, the next morning, I woke up to this:

photo (1)

Ummm yeah.  No.  This was enough to set off my Creep Radar.

(I would like to take a minute to point how much effort it must have taken him to send those pictures of flowers.  I mean, he must have had to go through Google Images, find two pictures of flowers, save them to his computer, email those pictures, open the email in his phone, download the pictures to his phone camera gallery, and THEN send them.  I’m just saying.)

I figured that if I simply didn’t respond to his texts, he would stop texting me.  But boyyyy was I mistaken.

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*Insert a phone call at 5:45, of which I did not pick up, and a voicemail*

 

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Ugh.  Why can’t you just send a dick pic like a normal person?

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Clearly, ignoring him was no longer effective, so I figured I had to bite the bullet and say something.

(By the way, I would like to add that his broken, jarbled English was just making this whole conversation so much creepier.)

 

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OH. MY GOD.  You know, at first I thought this was a cultural thing, but it can’t be.  There is absolutely no way that this shit works in any country, in any culture, on any girl, ever.

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photo 1 (1)

Ok.  I tried to be nice. You can’t say that I didn’t try to be nice. I didn’t want to do this, but I had to pull out the big guns.  I really hate when it gets to this point…..

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Note how he doesn’t say ANYTHING about the fact that my *pregnant* self was sipping on a Long Island Iced Tea during our half-hour encounter.  Also, should I be offended that he didn’t seem surprised that I was pregnant?  Did he just call me fat?

Ok now this next part was a little mean, but when even my patented pregnancy trick doesn’t work, which is a trick that I reserve strictly for the dumbest, creepiest,most oblivious, shit-for-brains whackjobs, I officially am at the END OF MY ROPE.

photo 1 (2)

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And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don’t meet guys at a club.  That was a good hour ago and he hasn’t texted yet, so *fingers crossed* I am hoping this is where it ends.  In the meantime, if I end up in some back alley burned to death, you know who did it.  Motherfucking fire-twirling Alex Circus.

Featured Image courtesy of Md saad andalib via Flickr.

5 COMMENTS

  1. Hahahaha this just made my morning. I’ve definitely had one of those encounters, happened while I was abroad actually and for some reason I actually think it does work with foreign girls. I don’t get it either. You have to admit though, the broken English at least makes it entertaining. Fingers-crossed he finally got the hint. PS, I’ve totally pulled the pregnant trick. Props to you.

  2. Just want to point out a few things… First of all, its actually incredibly easy to search google on your phone and save a picture… Probably took zero effort, so don’t flatter yourself. Secondly, being so cynical, stuck up, and judgmental totally just makes you look like a b*&#@. And hey here’s a bright idea – have the decency to text back someone you intentionally gave your number to in the first place so they don’t have to freak out and try so hard to top their last text!

    I totally get that he came off a little strong, and in your defense, you were nice in your first few responses. But understand at the end of the day it was a just a guy who was genuinely interested in you and you took it to the internet and bashed him for it. This was just a guy who is hurt by your rejection, not a creep. It’s because of girls like you that nice guys is not the norm anymore.

    • THANK YOU!! Well put! I am fortunate enough to have an “amazing man”. How did I find him?? By ending my stuck up and bitchy ways against men. I am a lot older than my looks and I always get younger men who assume I’m 27 and no where near the late 30’s that I am. I get some creepy youngsters that play on phone and then I get some that are truly well intentioned men.
      This man is in a new country and probably assumed that he had impressed you given thw fact that you took long enough to have spoken to him for him to be feeling that you might just give him a chance. You built him up, and RIPPED HIM TO SHREDS! That’s why good men are at the point where most have stopped bothering.
      Have some manners!!!! If you are going to hand out your number like you do your attention and the club hands out cocktail napkins then don’t bitch when someone actually calls you back! I have ZERO clue as to how you physically look, but you are ugly on the inside and that is enough for me to put you in the trash category!
      To the men like the one’s that she likes toting around…. Keep on keeping on! Not all women are nasty people. Some of us who are attractive and have beautiful souls give chances to those who are fun enough to get out numbers, and we don’t do catty shit like lead you on, take a private conversation to a blog or post in a forum just to get a few likes and some attention.. Walk away from them. They usually have a relationship already, are gold diggers or are so fixed on themselves that the narcissism is REALLY HIGH and the 10 that they rate themselves is REALLY a 2 (and I’m being generous). XOXO

  3. I don’t think she was stuck up and rude. She said she’s not interested and that should be enough. He may be from another country but many guys, no matter the nationality, are very pushy and won’t accept a girl rejecting them even if done nicely. “Just give me a shot”, “I’m one of a kind”, etc. if she’s not interested, she’s not interested. End of story.

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