I’m a bad roommate. The list of things that irritate my roommates is relatively short, and yet I tip toe the line on every single one of them. While the struggles of living with me almost never outweigh how much we get along, sometimes I know I’m difficult to live with. I’m the roommate that likes things specific ways, eats all your food and definitely intrudes on your private plans – whoops. Here’s to all the ways that I (and probably you, too) totally suck at cohabitation.
I realize I’m a bit OCD. I like my candles on coasters, my movies in order, and my blankets folded nicely off to the side. It’s how I like my living room to flow, you know? It’s feng shui or some shit. Normally people love roommates who are neat and clean, but I tend to take it to the next level. Sometimes I flip out and have to wash all the blankets after friends stay over, thus using all the hot water and ruining my roomie’s shower. (I forgot! Sorry!) Nothing is better than getting the dishes into the washer and running it – only to discover her favorite coffee travel cup from London is not dishwasher safe.
Her food is just better than mine is! This must be true because my Captain Crunch is never as satisfying as her Nutri-Grain bars. I’m sorry I use all of her expensive pasta sauce, but I can never find the three cheese marinara when I go grocery shopping. I’ll pay her back eventually, right? I definitely cross the line in terms of alcohol. She is older, so therefore more experienced and knowledgeable about which beers and wine she buys. Honestly, I’m just trying to be as much of a connoisseur as she is by drinking all of it alone while watching all of her movies on the couch. I’ll dub this one imitation is the highest form of flattery. Did she just order a pizza? BRB, there are at least two slices with my name on them…
My closet is her closet. Or, rather, I’m always in her closet. Her scarves are always more fashionable, warm, and match my sweater to a T. Yes, I’m sorry I borrowed it without asking…and yes, I’m super sorry she found it in my closet after days looking for it. I seriously just forgot I had it…kind of. I’d take borrow her shoes if I wore the same size as her. There are days where I am totally aware that we both own cream sweaters that would go equally as well with my pants, but her sweater is just so much softer and sparkly…
I use all of her candles. R.I.P. Va-Va-Vanilla, Christmas Cookie, and Italian Cream Sickle. I’m sorry I used all of the above and didn’t give her much time with them. Same goes for the room spray, the special occasion potpourri, the wax melts, and the hide-away scent sticks. Trust me, I am genuinely really sorry, but the house smelled so good, I really couldn’t resist. Temptation was calling me like the Cinnamon Apple – you know, the large jar from Yankee on her nightstand.
I barge in on all of her plans. Going to see Fifty Shades of Grey? How about fifty shades of count me in! I could always make my own plans, but interrupting hers at the last minute is way more convenient. Seriously, why wait to go see a movie when I can just include myself and go right now? She goes to all the best smoothie places, juiceries and taco joints in our college town – so hell yeah I want to tag along!
Trust me, I’m well aware I’m a difficult roomie to have. I’ve got some serious faults I need to work on, but that’s just part of this lovely thing called cohabitation. I know I totally ruin your life – but I swear I’m only doing it because I’m trying to help!