Society teaches young girls that they should always be “nice” and agreeable. When a little girl acts out, no one ever says “Girls will be girls,” but when a young boy does the same, someone always uses the tired excuse that “Boys will be boys.” Why do we expect girls and women to be quiet, polite, and palatable when we don’t hold boys and men to the same standard?
As a woman, I can confidently say that I’ve spent the majority of my life trying not to upset men.
This is the filter through which I feel like I need to make decisions. Can I take public transit alone at night safely, or should I miss events because men might hurt me if I travel alone? Which outfit will draw the least attention to my body so that men won’t stare at or catcall me? Should I go out to dinner with just one of my male friends, or will he mistakenly think that it’s a date?
Society forces women to live in fear because of messages it conveys about men. As women, we can’t walk alone at night without worrying about men attacking us. We worry about speaking up too often in meetings because if we do, a man might label us “bitchy.” We even engage in uncomfortable conversations with the men who corner us in public because we worry about what they might do to us if we walk away.
Women face constant scrutiny of their life choices, appearances, and temperaments.
Most of the time, there doesn’t seem to be a “right” way for women to live because society takes issue with everything that we do. If we want successful careers, we often to have to endure both blatant sexism and sexual harassment to prove ourselves “worthy” of working in men’s presence. Society tears us down so frequently that just trying to survive this world feels like clawing our way out of a black hole.
I once had a married male coworker who grabbed my phone out of my hands to put his number in it. When someone else noticed what happened and reported his behavior, all he got was a slap on the wrist, despite the fact that he sexually harassed me multiple times. Then, the majority of my coworkers started ignoring me.
I waited for someone else to report that situation because I was too scared to speak up.
At the time, I was 20 years old, and this man was in his 40s or 50s. He had more power than I did, and I also thought that experiencing workplace harassment was “normal.”
Because “boys will be boys,” society expects girls to be perfect. We must be beautiful, successful housewives and mothers just so that we can fulfill the fantasy that society thrusts upon us at birth. Whenever we go against societal norms, the world shames us. If we don’t want children, others show outrage at our audacity. In fact, when I told a man that I didn’t want children of my own, he told me that I only felt that way because “no one had loved me enough yet.”
Why doesn’t society allow women to say “no?”
Saying “no” as a woman has become an act of protest — but it shouldn’t even be something to flinch at. In this era of intense political and social turmoil, it’s more critical than ever for women to start saying “no.” It’s not easy to stand up for yourself in a world that expects you to stay silent. But if every woman starts saying “no,” then no one can stop us.
Women deserve the same freedom of choice that men have. We deserve to say “no” without judgment. As women, we’re not inferior, and it’s time that society recognizes us as equals to men. It’s OK for a woman not to want the same life that the world wants for her. It’s OK to be single, childless, and happy. And it’s OK for a woman to be whoever she wants to be.
It’s time that we all start living that way.
Featured Photo by Ling App on Unsplash.
