For 22 years of my life, I never understood and got the idea of modern dating culture until society made me experience it. I just realized that unconsciously, I agreed upon society’s norms of modern dating until it made me extremely careful in sending text messages and over-analyzing the other person’s replies.
I had an anxiety attack whenever the other person answered my texts for more than an hour, and it made me feel stupid. I stopped myself replying his texts immediately because I don’t want to look easy. I just ‘read’ his texts if there’s nothing more to talk about just to leave an impression that I’m hard to get. I will stop my feelings towards someone if I am the only person who asks about his day on our ongoing text conversations.
I just realized the fact that all of the modern dating norms have been successfully internalized within me and all millennials out there – and I’m sick of it. I’m tired of seeing my friends posted their sad status (or Instastory update) just to make the target person realized that it was meant for them. I’m sick of seeing my friends swiping right or left upon people’s pictures on Tinder, just to have that perfect relationship with some cute guy or girl.
I can’t help but notice that our modern dating culture, where love and infatuation will be based solely on our screen phones, will lead us to experience an almost relationship. The modern dating culture teaches us to build intimacy with other people based on a digital communication without giving many opportunities to get along with each other directly.
Right now, we live in the world where we can’t express our feelings genuinely because society thinks it has the same meaning of being weak.
That’s why modern dating emerges to the surface and becomes a huge trend of nowadays relationship. Modern dating culture accommodates our need to hide the feelings that we have toward someone through text messages and social media activities. It develops to be a dating game where the winners are the ones who hide their feelings longer than the other person.
We need to accept the fact that modern dating culture is a coward’s approach to dating. We are hiding behind our own assumptions by analyzing their text messages and social media until we decide to take a step back whenever we assumed that the other person is uninterested.
Maybe that’s why our potential relationship is always going back and forth without clarity;
we judge the other person too fast based on their behaviors with their phones.
We play safe and deny our own feelings just to be the winner of the dating game. We are too afraid to realize that falling in love will always be followed by being vulnerable. We need to accept the fact that being weak is necessary for the process of falling in love and getting knows someone deeply. If we are not ready yet to accept our own vulnerability, then don’t fall for someone.
As cliché as it sounds, we need to bring back our old dating habits where showing up is the main sign whether someone is interested in us or otherwise. Demonstrate that you care by asking them out directly, listen to everything they say, earn their trust by being open about your own insecurities and fears; be connected emotionally and build memories with each other directly.
Stop hiding behind the pseudo-happiness of the modern dating culture, because it leads you nowhere. If you want a real relationship, stop hiding and start showing up your feelings. In the end, you’ve got nothing to lose.