Why Do We Act Like Other People?

While I was online the other day, I stumbled upon a quote attributed to Oscar Wilde: 

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” 

I pondered the words and looked. That’s when I realized the group of people around us tends to influence us. 

Thinking back on my friend groups, both in elementary school and university–I know that was the case for me. My friends would tell me what I have to do, what I should do, or what interests me. 

“Listen to this music, watch that movie, because you’ll like it,” they told me. Though I wasn’t a fan of the music or movies, I didn’t want to offend my friends. So I sucked it up and reassured them that they knew me the best. 

Then, in the next period of my life, I realized that I was growing up too fast. I had to go to a post-secondary institution soon because I needed to find a career to be  “successful” by society’s standards.

I cycled through my passions to decide what I should do: political science, philosophy, languages, or writing. While I tried to pursue what I wanted, others told me these fields weren’t feasible or, subjectively, the best options for career prospects. 

As I look back, I see I lived through someone else’s dreams. 

I wasn’t interested in the music because I liked it myself. I was interested in it because my best friend, at that time, told me to be interested in it. And with my college education, I don’t know if I pursued what I wanted. Others pushed me in all directions, telling me to pursue what they wanted, instead of letting me make those decisions myself. 

Now, I look around me, and wonder: Are there others going through the same experience? I thought back to the people who used to bully me in the schoolyard. The people who constantly monitored me, and then, proceeded to copy me. 

Perhaps they were going through the same experience, as well. Maybe they, too, felt confined to follow a certain norm. Perhaps they also wanted to change themselves. And perhaps they masked who they really were.

Photo by Abbat on Unsplash