People have passed down dating advice since the beginning of time. Your grandma, mother, and friends have all probably shared well-intentioned, but cliché pieces of dating advice with you at some point in your life. Although we all want to listen to our loved ones, sometimes their “advice” can wreak havoc on our dating lives. Therefore, if anyone shares these seven pieces of dating advice, ignore them and live your best (love) life.
“Don’t have sex on the first date.”
We’ve all heard that having sex on the first date can ruin your date’s opinion of you. However, there’s no guarantee that waiting longer will make your relationship any better. Sexual encounters give you and your date a fun opportunity to explore your physical chemistry. What’s so wrong about that? If your desire to have sex changes anyone’s opinion of you, then chances are, they aren’t someone you want to date anyway.
“You need a rebound to help you recover from a breakup.”
Despite what your friends tell you during happy hour, getting under someone new isn’t the only way to get over a bad breakup. Dating and having sex while you’re still healing from your last relationship can actually make you feel worse about yourself. Instead of jumping into bed with the first guy who buys you a drink at the bar, lean on your support system and allow yourself time to recover after your breakup.
“The perfect person is out there.”
It’s OK to have high standards for potential partners, but perfect people just don’t exist. If you expect every partner to live up to impossible standards, you’ll find yourself perpetually unhappy. Maintain your values and look for someone whose moral code aligns with yours, but keep in mind that everyone (including you) has flaws. In fact, one of those “imperfect” people may actually be a great match for you!
“Wait for them to make the first move.”
If you wait for the other person to make the first move, you may end up waiting your entire life for a relationship. Sometimes a fear of rejection or feelings of inadequacy hold people back, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t give them a little nudge in your direction! If you feel a connection, then make the first move. After all, fortune favors the bold!
“Chemistry means that you’ve found ‘the one.’”
Butterflies in your stomach don’t always lead to a happily ever after. In fact, the rush of attraction you feel can cloud your judgement and blind you from seeing your partner’s true nature. Look at strong chemistry as a sign to take the relationship slow and proceed with caution.
“People can change.”
People can change over time, but change requires self-motivation. Although you can help a motivated partner work towards self-improvement, you should never believe that you can change your partner’s core personality traits to mold them into your “perfect partner.” Furthermore, character traits like dishonesty, anger, and possessiveness are unlikely to change over time, so if your partner acts this way, don’t hold your breath.
“Opposites always attract.”
Sure, you can end up happy with someone who has different interests from your own, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that “opposites attract.” In fact, dating someone who doesn’t share any of your interests or core values can lead to frustration and disaster. Commonalities serve as the glue that binds a couple together, so look for someone who has a good mix of similarities and differences, not someone who falls under one extreme or the other.
Although your loved ones usually just want what’s best for you, it’s OK to pause and evaluate the dating advice they give you. Steer clear of advice that leads you down a road of heartbreak and instead, follow the advice that feels true to you. Who knows – a simple shift in your perspective could lead you to the partner that you’ve been looking for.