The holiday season is approaching, and it’s a happy time for many. Unfortunately, though, the holidays can be extremely difficult for people with eating disorders.
It’s hard to understand what it’s like to have an eating disorder without experiencing one firsthand, but imagine being terrified around food. Now picture sitting in front of a huge spread of holiday food and needing to eat around your loved ones. You may not know what to pick, you may fixate on which food is the “healthiest,” and you might also think constantly about whether you’re eating too quickly or too slowly around your family and friends. And then, when it’s time for all of those tasty holiday desserts, the process repeats. Everyone’s excited, but you just can’t stop thinking about the effect that a few holiday treats will have on your body and your mind.
Eating disorders have a powerful grip on those who live with them. For people like me who live with eating disorders, some parts of us want us to feed ourselves, while other parts of us want to give ourselves so little that our health will be in danger. We could end up with scary electrolyte imbalances that cause fainting, serious heart rate issues, and even cardiac arrest, but our minds tell us to keep starving.
Those of us with eating disorders want to eat and feel healthy, but our disorders fight against those needs and desires. Whether our eating disorders are genetic or environmental, our brains are sick. They don’t think clearly — to the point where we often can’t even see ourselves the same way that other people see us. Our brains are literally wired so that we can’t think logically. That doesn’t mean that you can’t trust us, though.
What this does mean is that telling us that we should “just eat” or saying that we “look sick” doesn’t help us, especially during the holidays. So this holiday season, instead of commenting on our bodies or what’s on our plates, tell us that you see our effort and recognize that our attempts to eat are good enough.. As people with eating disorders, we want to know that we’re not “too much.” We want to know that you see and hear us, even though our pain is often invisible. And we also want you to know that we use eating disorder behaviors out of fear, not to hurt you. Showing excitement for us when we try to eat at big holiday events (or simply not commenting on our bodies at all) is far better than trying to shame us into changing.
So whatever you do this holiday season around a loved one with eating disorders, simply telling them how proud you are of them for existing, praising them for their hard work, and sharing that you see their struggle and appreciate their progress is a good way to go. It may feel tempting to comment on your family member’s or friend’s food choices or appearance, but remember that can dig them deeper into dangerous eating disorder behaviors. We all want to hear that we’re doing enough, especially on the hardest days of the year, so please honor our progress instead of shaming our struggles. And don’t forget to take time for yourself if you need it too. This holiday season, show empathy to the people in your life who struggle with eating disorders — it’ll remind us how strong we truly are.
Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash
Eating disorders have a powerful grip on those who live with them???