California Doesn’t Belong In Hell, Trump – Here Are 100 Things That Do


ICYMI, President Donald Trump wants to send the great state of California to Hell. While this news should shock absolutely no one, here are 100 things that actually deserve a place in Hell (none of which are California!)

1. Trump’s tweets

  1. Racists
  1. Bad toupees
  1. Homophobes
  1. Terrible spray tans
  1. Sexists 
  1. Compulsive liars
  1. Narcissists

9. Candidates who alienate entire regions of the country 

  1. COVID-19
  1. Leaders who don’t take COVID-19 seriously
  1. Being fired in today’s job market 
  1. Unexpectedly getting laid off 
  1. Taking a pay cut when you really need a full salary
  1. Hideous dye jobs 
  1. Dictators
  1. Fatphobia
  1. Migraines
  1. People whose very existence gives you migraines
  1. Those ants that randomly invade your home and just won’t leave 
  1. Economic depression
  1. Actual depression 
  1. Seasonal depression that takes the joy out of half the year
  1. That intense headache you get after you cry

25. Abusive partners/parents/family members 

  1. Exes who gaslit you and still want to get back together
  1. Climate change 
  1. Transphobia 
  1. Internet “keyboard warriors” who are actually just professional trolls 
  1. Diet culture
  1. Columbus Day
  1. Christopher Columbus 

33. Chris Watts

  1. Pedophiles
  1. Jeffrey Epstein 
  1. Ghislaine Maxwell
  1. Sex traffickers 
  1. Kidnappers
  1. Rapists 
  1. Serial killers
  1. Mass murderers
  1. School shooters
  1. Police brutality 

44. Any cops responsible for perpetuating police brutality 

  1. Child abuse/neglect 
  1. Abusive nursing homes
  1. Animal abusers
  1. Ableism 
  1. Cultural appropriation 
  1. Classism
  1. White, cisgender feminism 
  1. Body-shaming
  1. Blackface
  1. Every single type of bully
  1. Wildfires
  1. Addiction 
  1. College finals 
  1. Graduate school entrance exams
  1. Bra underwires

60. Long Internet listicles that no one actually cares about 

  1. Drivers who cut you off
  1. People who don’t pick up after their dogs
  1. Stepping in dog poop 
  1. People who are the living embodiment of dog poop
  1. R. Kelly
  1. Guys who lead you on
  1. People who make you feel unlovable
  1. Getting stuck on a long traffic light
  1. Black licorice 
  1. Hurricanes
  1. Incels 
  1. Crummy all-you-can-eat buffets with questionable sanitation practices 
  1. Memes that mock minority groups

74. People who rant on Twitter without actually saying anything 

  1. People who talk about you behind your back 
  1. Dealing with difficult customers/restaurant patrons/patients/students/professors
  1. Coworkers who steal your lunch after you explicitly mark it with your name
  1. Managers who won’t let you take a sick day because your work is “just so valuable”
  1. Zoom meetings 
  1. Cramped apartments with high rent costs 

81. Virtual therapy 

82. Never being able to find your mask when you actually need to wear it 

  1. Those “We’ve missed you!” letters from your dentist reminding you to make an appointment 
  1. Flossing
  1. Root canals 
  1. Cheap sushi
  1. Home haircuts that never turn out the way you want them to
  1. High school yearbook pictures featuring those home haircuts
  1. Photos of people you no longer talk to 
  1. Heartbreak
  1. Those moments when your body creaks and aches and you just feel old
  1. Fighting with your insurance company to cover really basic health needs 
  1. Turning 26 and having literally no insurance to speak of 
  1. Tax season 
  1. The lack of COVID-19 stimulus checks 
  1. Election season commercials 
  1. Excessive mudslinging 

    98. The last presidential debate
  1. The Electoral College

100. The entire Trump presidency 

Trump may want to send the entire state of California to Hell, but his words exemplify just how important it is to vote for candidates who respect your state, your background, and your humanity. Even though this election season may seem hellish, head to the polls on or before November 3rd to vote for a candidate who won’t make you feel like you’re living in Hell!


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