The Internet rumors are true: Fans will no longer be “keeping up with the Kardashians” because our favorite reality stars have decided to end their 14year reality TV reign. I’m personally hoping that perhaps, the Kardash-klan collectively had a bad week’s worth of sleep, and they’ll rethink their decision after they get some rest. Or that they’ll start filming another season after a phone call on behalf of showrunner and producer Ryan Seacrest, reminding the fam just how much money they rake in per episode. Seacrest included.
On the off-chance that this announcement is a well-thought-out decision, what will beloved matriarch Kris do with all of her new-found free time? The possibilities are literally endless. The world is her gold-plated, diamond-encrusted oyster, and we’re all just in the stands watching her every paparazzi-notified move.
Here are a few exciting new endeavors for our girl Kris:
1. Join The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Who are we kidding? Kris has been living as a BH housewife through and through, and she’s an inspiration because of it.
And of course the darker, more conniving parts of us are dying to know which co-star she’d throw to the dogs first? Also, what would her tagline be? Would other Kardashians make special appearances? I can see it now: Kim’s expressionless face due to years of tuning everyone out unless the conversation is about her, while Kris fills her in on how the cast is concerned that Dorit’s eyes grow dangerously larger with each appearance. Are we at a farmers market because this whole scenario is juicy, and the anticipation of it all is killing me.
2. Become an event planner.
It’s no secret that Kris throws lavish parties boasting champagne fountains. Whether she drops $2 million on flower displays, creates theme parks for birthday parties, or—and I shit you not— spends $350,000 on fake snow, abundance is a KJ signature. Mama K has built an accomplished portfolio of living life to the fullest, not to mention bumping elbows with Hollywood’s most elite in the process. If i’m not mistaken (I’m not) KJ is totally meant to plan parties that help others live their most extravagantly delicious lives. Mazel, Kris!
3. Join the cast of Shark Tank.
When we hear Kris Jenner’s name, we think “business tycoon genius.” Not only does Kris have a knack for entertaining others, but everything she touches also turns to gold. Ok sure, there was the talk show mishap, which don’t even get me started because I chalk that up to bad timing. KJ is simply ahead of her time, so joining the Shark Tank crew is just a natural fit! Queue salute!
4. Manage Addison Rae.
Addison Rae is the newest Kardashian-Jenner hybrid, and we’re not mad about it. She’s a pop culture staple, an adorable TikTok-er with the energy and perpetual smile of a bubbly cheerleader. She’s also Kourtney K’s BFF, and she has a cosmetics brand, a podcast, a booming YouTube channel, and a movie role. We already see big things in this prom queen’s future, so the Kris Jenner Talent Agency is probably all over it. In fact, I’d be willing to bet Kris was the one to introduce Little Rae to the family.
5. Run for President.
Say what you will about KJ’s tactics, but the woman knows how to get shit done. She single-handedly set each of her daughters on their own extremely successful career trajectories, and one of them boasts the title of World’s Youngest Billionaire.
Plus, if now isn’t the time to put a woman in office, then when is it? After all, Kris already has the wardrobe for the job – her pantsuit collection has Hilary running for the hills in her soul-crushing loafers.
As a mother, momager, and all around inspiration to six children, Kris Jenner has a proven track record of being fair, compassionate, motivated, intelligent, and stunning, so she deserves a next step befitting a queen. You have my vote, KJ!
No matter how Kris chooses to spend her time post-KUWTK, we all know that she’ll succeed!