Not being on the same page as your partner sexually can really affect your relationship. Sometimes – even if you had really strong feelings for someone – you lose interest the moment you have the boring vanilla sex with them and realize you aren’t sexually compatible. Even if you aren’t into particularly kinky sex, this has probably happened to you.
Being on two different pages sexually can really make for some awkward sexual encounters and painful conversations. However, it’s not hopeless. By identifying the key issues you have or highlighting what you wish to expand on, you can work on getting better results.
But if you aren’t sure if the sex with your partner is too vanilla for you, read this list and see if you can relate.
1. You’re sick of the basic positions like missionary or doggy style.
After a while with no variation, it gets old. You’re sick of only doing it in the same positions and wish to expand to a few more.
2. There’s minimal foreplay.
If it happens at all, it’s only pleasing to one person or it’s the same routine every single time. There’s nothing fun about that.
3. You want to use toys and they refuse.
Sure, it’s not everybody’s thing. But using props like a blindfold or handcuffs are subtle ways to expand your kinks. You didn’t even ask to use a vibrator or cock ring, but they still refuse.
4. Sex is predictable.
Not only can you guess the position or how they’ll initiate sex, but you can also predict where they’ll kiss you. You need spontaneity and something completely different to throw you off guard.
5. Hands are not used enough.
Whether he doesn’t pin your wrists down, spank you, rub your clit, or choke you, or she doesn’t rub you, play with you, or scratch you — hands need to be used. And it’s boring when they aren’t.
6. Sex isn’t like your fantasies.
Obviously it’ll never be identical, but in your mind, things are rough, passionate, and romantic. In reality, however, it’s the same old thing with little oomf to keep things spicy – let alone an effort to accomplish your fantasies.
7. You don’t sext as often as you’d like to.
You never receive nudes and when you send them they often go unappreciated or barely acknowledged. You want a little bit of teasing or dirty talk but don’t feel like you can achieve that with your partner because they never seem interested.
8. You don’t enjoy oral anymore.
I know it’s hard to believe, but when it’s the same methods every time, it doesn’t feel any better. You need a variety of new moves or something else to make it different than every other time before.
9. You wish there was more noise.
It’s awkward as hell having sex in silence. Plus, it makes you feel like you have to hold back when they aren’t making noises and you want to. After all, you want to hear them grunt, moan or tell you how good it feels. Without noise, you have no clue where they’re at.
10. You need to be a little more turned on.
Sure, eye candy is nice, but you want dirty talk or to feel their hands pull your hair a bit. You need all senses to be alert and pleased. Instead, you just feel like you’re missing that sexual charge.
11. You’d rather masturbate than have sex.
It sounds crazy, but when you aren’t that satisfied in the bedroom with your partner, it almost feels like you have no choice. You’d rather watch porn and get the feeling of interaction while you please yourself.
Obviously no one wants to always be the one initiating conversations about improving your vanilla sex life – or be the one to open up about being dissatisfied. It can be embarrassing and very hurtful if it’s not received well. But if you found yourself identifying with more than half of these points, you may want to toy with the idea of asking your partner to spice things up to help improve your sex life and make it less vanilla. It’s vital you ensure you both are pleased.