No matter how wonderful sex is, this part of a relationship can pull our insecurity and fears to the surface. Dealing with your partner’s discomfort in the bedroom is often incredibly difficult.
Here are 6 ways to help your partner overcome their insecurities while being intimate:
1. Remember that sexual insecurity doesn’t always manifest openly
It doesn’t necessarily look like shyness or avoidance. Instead, your SO may be assertive and relaxed. This is how they try to hide their complexes. According to sex experts, sexual dysfunctions and shame often develop as a result of myths about how our bodies should look and feel. Past failures can also affect sexual self-esteem.
Common signs of sexual insecurity are when a partner is embarrassed to talk about their preferences in bed, does not admit when they don’t not get an orgasm, is afraid to share fantasies, or is ashamed of their body. Being aware of how insecurities manifest is the first step to helping your partner.
2. Practice mindfulness together
The problem of insecurity is that in this state a person is not able to concentrate on the moment. They only think about their worries. It is difficult for a person to relax and enjoy intimacy with a partner. To create the right mood, it is worth trying to focus on breathing or one of the five senses. Practice breathing techniques or a relaxing massage when the partner concentrates the mind only on tactile sensations.
3. Respect your partner’s boundaries
It is normal if your partner is not ready to immediately talk about intimate problems or joke about this topic. Try to respect their boundaries. Don’t push them. It’s better to say that you are ready to listen when they are ready to talk about it. Never condemn their interests, insecurities, or feelings.
Be aware that your preferences may not coincide, and do not force them into sexual practices that break their boundaries. If they feel pressured by you, they won’t open up.
4. Create a learning culture in your relationship
If you or your partner are used to getting ideas about sex only from the media culture, you’ll most likely have unrealistic expectations. To get rid of excess pressure, create a culture of sexual education in relationship with your partner. Buy books, watch educational videos, attend sex shops, and special trainings together. This can open both a whole new intimate relationship to both of you and give your partner more comfort.
5. Don’t focus on orgasms
Orgasm is considered the main goal of sexual intimacy and this puts enormous pressure on both partners. Each person blames themselves if the other could not reach the climax. This can create guilt or shame.
Try to treat intimacy as a process and not as a result. Appreciate any sexual experience, regardless of whether one of you gets an orgasm or not. That way, your partner won’t feel pressure to be perfect, which can exacerbate self-esteem issues.
6. Make an appointment with a doctor if needed
Certain types of insecurities can be resolved with the help of a professional. If your partner’s concerns are related to pain during sex, this may indicate a medical problem. If their self-esteem problems are present throughout their life, then a therapist may be able to help. In these cases, they should talk with a professional who will give them the help they need.
Sex is a touchy subject (pun intended). When insecurities manifest in the bedroom, it can be a difficult problem to tackle. It is totally possible though. Follow these 6 steps if you think your partner is struggling with their sexual self-esteem.