What You Should Remember If You Think You’re Not ‘Relationship Material’

When you’ve been single for a long time, it’s sometimes hard to determine why.

Are you just so damaged that you don’t want to risk getting hurt again? Have you  had bad luck in the dating world? Do you just want to focus on yourself for a bit? There are so many factors that contribute to your “single” status.

Your feelings also change what your outlook on dating is like. You might be happy to be single, or you may suddenly feel eager to jump into a relationship. But one thing’s for sure: The longer you’re single, the more insecurities you’ll have about dating, especially as a woman. You ask yourself questions like,“Will I be able to maintain a relationship after being on my own for so long?” and “Is there something wrong with me?”

The main question everyone asks themselves when they feel down about their love life is, “Am I bad at dating?”

The answer to that question is “no.” Instead, being single actually makes you better at having lasting relationships.

For some women in particular, being “chronically single” means that they’re not willing to settle for whomever is right in front of them. In other words, women who stay single for longer periods of time strive to find someone who is well-suited for them, someone who is worth their effort and love.

As we all know, everyone has different reasons for choosing to remain single.

Those reasons can include focusing on their careers or personal well being, tackling new projects to improve their lifestyles, or spending time with family and friends. A lot of times, people are happy to be single because living the single life means that they’re focusing on their personal development and well being. This is not an unusual thing!

Most women forget that there are actually many benefits to waiting to start a relationship. If you wait for that someone special,  you’ll be ready to enter that new relationship and more mature along the way. As you wait for “the one,” you also may develop a greater sense of self-confidence, independence, identity, and knowledge of what you want in life.

Some people are lucky to find their soulmate early on in life, but they don’t have the opportunity to focus on themselves. If they’ve already found love at a young age, people will often find themselves in personal conflict later in life because they missed out on the chance to discover who they are outside of a relationship.

If you didn’t find love at a young age, you are not “unlucky;” you just have an opportunity to grow as an individual before you find your perfect partner.

Always remember that the independence you develop when you’re single is instrumental to your future, so it’s  important to embrace it with pride! When you’re single for a long period of time, you don’t need to rely on someone to entertain you, fulfill your needs, or help you make decisions. You’re self-sufficient, which most men find attractive because it means you won’t  need them all the time. Men like women who can take care of themselves and make important decisions without relying on other people’s opinions.

The independence you gain from being single also means that you have boundaries in your life.

It teaches you when to challenge those barriers and when to keep certain aspects of your life separate. You can enjoy your life,  maintain a good work-life balance, know when to integrate your significant other into your life, and understand when to take a mental break.

On the flip side of this discussion, people who move from relationship to relationship aren’t necessarily less lonely as those single people may appear, it just means they’re not alone as often or rely on other people for their happiness and reassurance. Single people are more prepared for these emotions and are comfortable adapting to whatever situation they’re in.

Yes, being single for a long time may increase your doubts that you’re not relationship material. But the truth is that being single has provided you with unique skills that will help you  when you do find love. Knowing yourself before you get to know someone else is so important, and you should pride yourself on your self-awareness.

So if you’re feeling down about your unexciting love life, remember this: Right now, you’re focusing on the one relationship that will actually matter at the end of the day – your relationship with yourself. You should never feel bad for taking time to improve yourself because at the end of the day, the only person who will never leave you is you. Your confidence will make you so much more attractive  to that special someone, no matter when they arrive.

Photo by Collins Lesulie on Unsplash


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.