This Is What I Really Mean When I Say ‘I Hate You’

I’ll come right out and say it: I hate you. Our old photos mean nothing these days, you especially don’t need to look at the photos we took anymore. I don’t need your presence in my life, and I want you to stay away from my space.

I don’t need to have your number saved on my phone. You’re blocked on my Instagram and you’re deleted off my Facebook. Do you know what it means to block you? I’m basically saying, “You’re dead to me.”

You don’t need to spend most of your time skulking who I’m dating with.

You’ll NEVER know when I’m loving the days, hating the weather or feeling ‘relaxed.’.

You will never get the chance to see if I look healthy or if I have lost weight.

You’ve lost these privileges when you became a complete ASSHOLE.

Do you know what I mean when I say I hate you? When I say these three words and eight letters, listen carefully because I am telling you how I truly feel.

When I say I hate you, what I really mean is that, I crave my distance away from you and that means I don’t look forward to the next time I see you.

I will no longer look back and think fondly of you. And when I think of you, it doesn’t make my heart pound 10 times faster than ever before. It doesn’t make my pupils dilate and my heart is no longer combusting.

I no longer tell you that your eyes are my favorite constellation.

I will never allow you to tarnish my self-esteem and leave me in pieces.

You will no longer get a text from me or a call to ask you if you’re fine. You will no longer hear me say, “I miss you today.”

But I still eat our favorite hamburgers in town. I still eat my favorite shawarma and fatuous in the Turkish restaurant. Going to to the bar, having sips of champagne, and dancing in the crowd is still my favorite thing, even without you. I still go and roam around the city during weekends, and I still get lost in a world that’s made of coffee and rainy days.

I’ve already put you away in my life and I don’t want to see your face again.  I am closing the door for you. And that’s what I mean when I say ‘I hate you.’

Photo by Alec Favale on Unsplash


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