Why I’ll Never Date A Guy Who Owns A Dog Ever Again

I will NEVER AGAIN date someone who already has a dog.

I made that mistake once, and here’s what I found out:

He will always love that damned dog more than me.

He will always choose that damned dog over me.

He will always care for that damned dog better than he cares for me.


Why, you ask? I’ll tell you why.

That dog will never challenge him. That dog will never call him out on his issues. That dog will love him when he gives the dog cuddles, when he tells the dog to go away, when he yells at the dog for taking a shit on his carpet….


Because the only thing that diabolical Australian Shepherd knows how to show is love.

And I, as the girlfriend, have to be the bad guy. I have to tell him “eat your vegetables,” “Get off your phone,” “I hang out with your friends, so why can’t you hang out with mine?”

And the dog? The dog doesn’t care if he eats his vegetables, as long as he gives the dog attention. He would never choose the phone over the dog. And, hanging out with the dog’s doggie friends? Sign him up!!

He would go to that dog for comfort before he would go to me. He would choose to snuggle with the dog instead of with me. And he wanted to let the dog stay in the room during intimate moments, which is just insane.

Seriously! I’d ask him to kick the dog out, and then the dog would start scratching at the door, and he’d say “see how much the dog wants to come in? Just let him in! He wants to be in here with us! He wants to join us!” Not cool. The dog or me, in this scenario. His choice. And he would often choose the dog.

I said to him, “You love that dog more than me.

And he said something very articulate in response.

“What? I- dog? You? That… I don’t- He’s…How could you? Great- I love my dog!”

Yep…. I know you do.

And I don’t. I don’t like your dog with the stupid fountain tail, the stupid bad breath, the stupid “woof woof”, and the stupid cute face. I don’t love any of that.

Now, I’m out of the picture and you can continue your love affair with your dog in peace.

And, guess what? I love my cat more than you. And she doesn’t smell. So, there.

Photo by Marvin Meyer on Unsplash

Originally published on Words Between Coasts


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