“Don’t wait until you hate him to leave.”
That was her advice. I came to her crying again about something he did. Something that didn’t make me hate him but pissed me off enough to make me need to vent to her. Pissed me off enough to make me walk out but I didn’t think I was walking out forever.
I wanted this to be a rough patch that we could make it through. Something that would make us stronger together. Not the thing that lead to us breaking up. I loved him and he loved me so we could make it work right?
Looking back on it now, I finally understand what she was saying.
Leave because if you stay, it’ll kill all of the good you had with him. Ever positive memory will be erased and replaced with what seems like an eternity of fights. The first time you met won’t be a cute twist of the fates. It’ll be the first step in a long line of missteps. The way he held your hand will feel like he was tying you down in your memory and that kiss in the rain will only be remembered by the cold you both caught.
Don’t wait so that you don’t lose the happiness you felt when he smiled at you from across the room. Don’t wait for the butterflies to fade into dust. Or his attention to feel like it’s something you want to avoid instead of something you crave. Don’t let the taste of him wanting you and only you turn sour in on your month. Don’t let the I love yous become three empty words that you say out of obligation.
Leave when it’s going to break your heart to do so. Do it knowing you’ll be crying tears of sadness instead of tears of anger. Leave because you know it’s for the best. Do it because you love him enough to want him to have everything he’s ever wanted in life even if that’s not what you can give him. Leave him so that he can do everything he wants to in life and so that you can too but leave knowing everything you went through together was worth it. Leave when you wouldn’t change a thing about the way your relationship played out.
Don’t wait until you hate him to leave because all you will have left for him is hate once you are gone.