How did we get to this point? Laying down in the pouring rain. Watching the world turn on us once again. Letting our heartache in agony knowing that we had a choice. We didn’t have to stay. We didn’t have to watch it crumble. We didn’t have let it break. We didn’t have to make the sacrifices we did. We didn’t have to put it out there.
We didn’t have to give our heart away.
And yet, we did once again. We let them in and we let them take over what wasn’t theirs. We let ourselves get carried away in the moments. We let them see a different side to us. We let ourselves get crashed into with this wave of feelings. And yet, they just simply walked away.
There is no easy way of saying it, it sucks to keep putting your heart out there. With the potential of it getting broken into a million pieces every single time. It sucks to have to start all over again. Knowing the same thing could keep happening every time. So why do we keep doing it? Why do we keep letting our hearts get broken every time? Why do we continue to pursue this cursed game of love and time?
Are we hopeless romantics waiting for the next curtain call? Waiting for the big moment when the flash mob will break out and he will profess his undying love that he can no longer hide? Waiting for the pages of our lives to unfold like a Nicholas Sparks novel and find an ending fit for a movie? Always waiting for the moment when we are standing in the rain with him telling us that it was you all along..
Or are we sadistic pessimists looking for more wounds and reasons to cry? Do we enjoy the pain more than the pleasure? Do we enjoy the hurt and the Taylor Swift songs that come to follow? Do we feel the need to torture ourselves with this hurt because we think that this is the kind of love that we have deserved all along.
Are we lonely folks who just enjoy cheap red wine and the thrill of a potential good time? Do we just enjoy the idea of someone who is willing to take us out and allow us the night away from our own lonely hearts parade? Are we really that uncomfortable with private time with ourselves that we seek the company of anyone who is willing to look our way.
Or are we that desperate for a chance at love? Do we just love the idea of someone out there who could potentially be in love with us that will throw our delicate heart at anyone that will come close? Do we not care enough to protect ourselves that we’re willing to throw it to anyone who is willing to catch it? Are we really that willing to overlook all of the flaws in a partner just at the idea of putting “In A Relationship” on our life profile.
Are we brave by putting our heart on the line so many times? Our eagerness to allow the world to know that we’re open to finding love any chance it will give us. Our willingness to exude positive vibes into the universe and ready for whatever may come. The courage that we have to step back out there every single time with a cracked heart is something..
Or are we wreckless savages leaving our hearts out in the open for slaughter? Our inability to learn from our mistakes and take some good into the next trial and error. Our carelessness in shielding ourselves from those who are up to no good and looking for ways to harm. The way that we put ourselves in harm’s way every time we get back out there is tragic..
Whatever we are, whomever we choose to be, we continue to hurt. We continue to bleed, we continue to suffer, we continue to wallow. We continue to shed tears, we continue to over-analyze, we continue to let ourselves get hurt. We continue to pick the wrong people, we continue to be reckless, we continue to watch ourselves repeat the same patterns and get hurt in the same ways. But we also continue to fight the good fight.
Whatever we are, whomever we choose to be, we continue to carry on. We continue to put ourselves out there, knowing damn well that we are potentially going to hurt again, and yet, we thrive on. We pick up the pieces every time. We persurver. We rally. We get back up, glue back the pieces that were once broken and do it all over again. We may never be whole and we may never feel the same love twice, but we continue to love on.
We are something with these hearts of ours.
This game of love as a single player is a vicious cycle that never ends, so why do we continue to play? Why do we keep coming back for more heartbreak? Why do we continue to put ourselves out there and let the world take a bite out of us? Why are we in such a need for this drug called love? Why do we keep falling into this same trap? Why do we keep letting our own hearts break?
Featured Image via Unsplash
Originally seen on Thought Catalog.