I love Ellen Degeneres. I want to be her in so many ways, except for the whole liking women deal (To each their own, but not my cup of whiskey. I will keep trucking along with the idiotic male species). I strive to be like Ellen Degeneres every single day, because she is kind. She is funny. She is genuine. She is able to put a smile on everyone’s face and make them feel like the world isn’t such a terrible place (At least for an hour while you are watching her program). Almost everything is perfect about the person that she is, except for one thing.. I don’t want to have Oprah Winfrey as my neighbor.
I know that I’m breaking away from the norm when I say this, but I hate Oprah Winfrey’s stinking guts. She is the scum between my toes and not in the secretly I love you, Alfalfa from Little Rascals kind of way. If I could send one person to Antarctica so that we would never have to see them again (And the whole Kardashian family wasn’t an option), I would send Oprah. You are probably thinking to yourself, “Why on Earth would you hate Oprah? What has she ever done to you?” Well, my friends, I feel personally victimized by Oprah, and my hatred for her grows every day.
Let us start at the beginning. It was a cold November day in 2010, in my Child Development class. I remember it so vividly because I was busy admiring the cute, older guy that sat in front of me and not giving two craps about children and their development. (It was a class where I got credit to play with kids for an hour and admire a good-looking man at his finest – It was a delightful time). Anyways, back to my loathing of Oprah, we were watching an old episode of her daytime program discussing conjoined twins. She was interviewing the two-year-olds, and I was taking in the overwhelming, but lovely cologne my beautiful love had over sprayed that day when it happened. Oprah got an evil tone and raged on these twins for not sharing their toy with her. Oprah, the woman who could go buy all of the toys in the world and a new set of “professional” twins if she really wanted to for her program, was upset with normal toddlers who didn’t want to share with her.
While I don’t know much about children, I was one for a brief time. I know that all children act this way. Especially at the age of two around a stranger with a camera and microphone in their face, you have to have a little bit of patience. The “queen” of daytime TV though, didn’t and lashed out at these poor, little beings, making me not want to ever see her stupid face again. She laughed it off like it was just a joke, but I knew right then and there, Oprah Winfrey was an evil person that is only in it for herself.
Since then, you see Oprah is like a crazy ex-boyfriend that just can’t seem to torture you enough and just keeps coming back for more. Remember that brief moment in time where she retired from life, and we didn’t see her that much? Now she is like Brett Farve and feels the need to keep putting herself back into the game. YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY YOUR OWN ISLAND – RETIRE FROM LIFE ALREADY AND GO AWAY. She does films, she does endorsements, she does radio, she has her own magazine, she has her own website, she has her own Network, and now she has her own line of food products! As if she can’t eat the normal food in the grocery store, she has to have someone start her own line for her and put her name on it. Seriously, Oprah, I want to be able to go into the soup aisle without seeing your rude, inconsiderate face on it! Go away and let the normal people enjoy their cheap Campbell’s soup!
Ultimate Ginger Review: Oprah is overrated and needs to go away. No celebrity, or human for that matter, should be dipping their toes in so many business adventures that they are literally everywhere to be seen. I know that a lot of you probably do not feel the same way I do about her, but Oprah is selfish when it comes to children’s toys. Therefore I need her to go away in life. I will buy the plane ticket for you, please just take your cauliflower mashed potatoes and go away.
Originally seen on Ginger Views.
Feature image via @instagram