It’s not the best taste in your mouth, always having the last word. It doesn’t matter if it is the most eloquent sentence or the most hurtful thing that you can think of, it is the idea that there is this hanging thought in the air, with no real ending in sight. The conversation that was never really supposed to end, but it has by the other’s choice. It is the idea that they don’t want to pursue more and you are left in the dust. It is the last word that always leaves a heart in pain.
Why is it that people fight for this position? Of saying the last unspeakable thing. To have the upper hand in the conversation by getting in one last dig. One last cut. One last draw of the sword before putting an end to it all. It is the most damning of positions to be in, the place where we feel that something could happen, but it won’t. We are the ones that put a stop to it. We are the ones that ended it. It is the last word that always leaves us with this unsettling feeling.
Why is it that there is always that one person who you want to talk to the most that always leaves the conversation in a moment too soon. Leaving your thoughts hanging in the air, with that last sentence on your tongue. It doesn’t feel good to always have what is left unsaid, only able to linger in the mind and not exposed to the universe for what it is worth. To have this idea of what could be, but not present to the world because it is unspoken to the one it should be said to. It is in the last words that we feel that we are not being real.
The silence is damning of always having the final say. Of knowing that I will be the one to physically end the conversation because you have mentally already done so for us. To feel like I can talk to you for hours and want to know more, but you are fine with the little that is said and need nothing but the basics in my head. There is the whole world to be exposed at our fingertips or just a moment to be said on our lips, but it is the idea that in your head, I am not worth the last breath. It is in the last words that we feel the loneliest.
It isn’t the need to have the last word, that leaves us with it. It is the indifference. It is the pursuit of an unwanted conversation. It is the need for someone that doesn’t need us, that leaves us hanging in the valence of nothing. No words. No breath. No motion. It is in the nothingness that we feel these last words lingering in the atmosphere, left to be unanswered by the one that we want to answer them the most. Why is it that the last world always leaves us with this uncertainty and searching for more? Why do we continue to seek the conversations that we will constantly find ourselves having the last word in? Why do we continue to fall into the trap of always pushing the conversations to the limit where we will be left alone again?
Why do we continue to keep searching for the last word?