There is something about this heart of mine, that holds onto feelings so deep. It grabs ahold of someone’s love with a death grip and doesn’t seem to want to let go. It dreams up a world with them and takes a dive from a mountain top when life doesn’t follow through. Sometimes it feels unbearable, sometimes it makes me feel unnerved. Sometimes I wish that there was a heart I could borrow, just until this pain subsides.
Maybe it would be easier if I could use a heart that wasn’t mine. Just to see how different it would be. To see how people on the other side of heartbreak can survive and get past the pain. To see how easy it can be to look past it all and know that there is life on the other side. To know that it is possible to get over this aching heart.
Maybe it would be simpler if I could test out someone else’s way of loving. To see how people can form a love that isn’t so strong. A love that can just come and go as they please. To feel easy about a relationship and not have a constant worry of it ending. To feel light hearted and know that it isn’t the end of the world if it ends.
Maybe it would feel better if I could just see how your heart works. To see what it sees when you see me. To see how it feels when I walk into a room and am approaching you. Does it race? Does it feel excited? Does it get nervous? Does it feel something deep that makes it ache for something more? Maybe if I could just borrow your heart, I could see if there is something worth this heartache for.
The problem is, this broken heart of mine is here to stay. It is this heart that makes me look weak, making me fall to my knees and ache every time life doesn’t go its way. It is a heart that makes me feel unnerved, always at the sight of you or when you are not around. It is a heart that makes me feel as though I will never be able to survive because it never stops searching for that chance to love again.
My heart though, it is the strongest muscle that I have. It is a heart that feels so deep, it is prepared for love at any moment. It is a heart that feels compassion for all and makes me want better for the world. It is a heart that believes in the power of faith and positivity, no matter how negative the world can be. It will never give up on love. It will never give up on people. It will never give up on taking on the world and with that, I believe I’m lucky to have this heart of mine.
There are just those moments that I wish I could borrow someone else’s, heart. Just to see what it would be like to be on the other side. Just to know how good it could feel not to be so hard on myself. Just to know, just once, what it is like how to get over someone so easily.
Feature image via pexels.