With the season change, summer approaching, and the world getting all the more F*CKED UP, day drinking has become, once again, incredibly appealing. Especially for those of us who break out into a jig at the mere thought of sangria (possibly me) (… okay, me af). But like all good things in life, they must end. Day drinking can go from God’s greatest gift to the biggest regret of your Tuesday afternoon. Here are the emotional stages of day drinking;
1. F*ck Yeah, We’re Doing This!
Waking up with the prospect of drinking in mere hours is enough to bring a smile to any basic’s face. It motivates you. It rejuvenates you. It rebirths you into a happy flush, visible for all to see. Deciding the outfits for day drinks are also prime. Whether you’re drinking 11 am brunch mimosa’s at a chic cafe downtown (or a fancy Denny’s) or 1 pm sangria by the pool (public or private … I’m not here to judge), your outfit adds to the aesthetic of the day. Dresses. Skirts. Jean Jackets. I am ALL about getting dressed up to get messed up.
2. Why Don’t We Always Do This?
The first couple drinks go down good… real good. Too good. Seeing the world in broad daylight amidst a tipsy haze is like rediscovering life itself.
“Why aren’t we always drinking midday? This makes our Tuesday so much better!”
3. Enhancement of Life Itself
“Did our server’s shirt always have such beautiful colors?”
“This wood table is gorgeous, what is it? Mahogany? Pine?”
“What was our Uber drivers name? Pete? James? Daniel? I’m going to name my first born son after him, what a beautiful soul.”
“THIS NICKLEBACK SONG ISN’T EVEN THAT BAD.”
4. Drunk AF
By this point, you may believe you’re on top of the world. You don’t even taste the alcohol anymore, and you like it. Scrolling through Instagram now is a riot, generously liking that rando girl from high school’s selfie because you’re nostalgic.
Like a newborn babe, you weave through your day with a newfound appreciation for the simplest things. At some point, you may look around at your friends, your compadres, your soul sisters, and shed a tear. Love may overcome you. Don’t reject it. Rock out to it.
Food is your next objective. It’s in-between lunch and dinner, so anything goes. Patio nachos, street meat, a poutine you found on the street corner, LITERALLY ANYTHING because you quickly start to feel your energy level dip to -12.
6. Very Sudden Downward Spiral
You ask yourself how you were ever smiling today? How has the alcohol hit you so quickly? Why are you hungover at 5:30 pm? As you enter a vortex of time confusion, you feel like you’ve been up for 36 hours, when in reality you’ve only been up since noon.
7. Messy Aftermath
FINALLY, you are home. Or at your friend’s house. Or that same street corner you found the poutine on. Regardless, you feel sleep is crucial if you ever want to live again. Day drink naps are warm hugs, even in the scorching heat of summer; they feel right. If you are brave enough to awake from your slumber prematurely, you will check your phone 3 times before believing it’s only 9 pm. And you’re hungry. And sticky. You’ve now entered a drinking purgatory. You could eat, attempt to sober up, and rally. Or, you could shower and watch Real Housewives in you PJ’s until you slip back into peaceful, rejuvenating slumber.
If you choose to rally and drink again into the evening, you know it’ll be lit – but it’s never as magical as the playground of day drinking. And as exhausted as you are at the end of the night, you know you’re gonna be beyond down the next time your group chat lights up with “DRINKS TMRW?! NOON?!”