“At first, I had no idea that he was a narcissist; I saw him as a perfect, sweet, and a classy guy whom I admired for almost 2 years of our relationship. Then, one day I figured it out, we broke up, and I tried so hard to fall out of love for him in order to save myself.” – Q, 21 years old
My best friend told me the story, while her face was filled with anger and disappointment. She is struggling to move on from her crazy and narcissist ex. As a Psychology major, I think this issue has to be discussed, because not many of us are aware of the narcissist people in our lives.
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder generally believe that the world revolves around them. This condition is characterized by a lack of ability to empathize with others and a desire to keep the focus on themselves at all times. You can read more about the symptoms here.
So, what if we fall in love with a narcissist? Like my best friend said, we have to save ourselves as soon as possible; please fall out love and try your best to move on. Here’s why:
- You will feel intimidated
Narcissists tend to believe that they are special, unique, and no one is able to beat their superiority. Their abusive attitudes dominate social situations, including intimate relationships. They will make you feel small. You will lose your self-esteem and sense of self, and start to believe that your SO is the most perfect human on earth; this belief is actually a poison to your own well-being. The longer you love a narcissist, the more you hate yourself.
- You won’t be understood
Narcissists only care for themselves. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and they are unwilling to recognize the feelings and needs of others. If you are sad, angry, disappointed, or even happy, they won’t care. During your intimate relationship with them, you will long for their good morning texts, those flowers on your birthday, and their empathy which they won’t give. Don’t expect that they will understand your problems, because the only thing that matters for them is themselves.
- You won’t feel loved
Many times, narcissists treat people like dirt; they are arrogant and haughty. Instead of feeling loved, they will make you feel exhausted by their actions. Most of the time, they expect automatic compliance with their wishes and you will be under their control unconsciously. You will be the only one who fights for the relationship and you won’t feel worthy in their eyes.
- You will be manipulated
At first, narcissists will make you depend on them. Once they know that you are interested, they will give you attention until you fall into their trap. Then, their actions will change abruptly into a hot and cold person; they will ghost you and make you question your relationship. They will make you fall deeply in love with them without any intention to capture your heart. In the end, the only thing they do is manipulating, because their main pleasure is to know that they can control other people’s behaviors.
- You will be taken for granted
Narcissists will selfishly take advantage of others to achieve their own needs. You will be a tool to achieve their goals. Once they need you, they will come to you and give their best performance. Then, if you no longer serve their needs, they will leave you behind by staying busy with their own lives. These actions will form a never-ending cycle, one that only you can break.
- You will have a broken heart
In the end, you will be the one who picks up the pieces of your shattered heart by yourself. Your narcissist SO won’t understand the pain because he or she can’t recognize and interpret other people’s emotions. They will say that it’s your own fault to have a broken heart. Narcissists won’t take the blame because they have an irrational sense of pride and dignity; they won’t even apologize. Once you fall in love with a narcissist, you will have a high tendency to feel the extreme pain of being rejected, manipulated, betrayed, and unloved. You must run away as fast as you can in order to save your heart.
For the people who fall in love with a narcissist, there is nothing wrong with you, and your feelings are true and genuine. It’s not your fault for having affection towards people and that feeling is the thing that makes you human. Once your intimate relationship no longer makes you better and starts to do the opposite, please be brave enough to leave; because no one can save you but yourself.