I think this should possibly be titled ‘there is nothing that alcohol cannot fix,’ because that’s very close to the truth. Alcohol. It’s great, isn’t it? Whoever said you can’t bottle confidence never tried a jagerbomb #obvs. I seem to be writing about this special sauce a lot recently. I’m trying not to give too much thought to what that says about me.
Had a day filled with great success? Let’s all go for a cheeky beer to celebrate! Had the day from hell because your boss is an ASS-HAT? Drink your troubles away with a bottle of anything my friend. In my experience, I’ve found there’s not much a glass of pinot cannot follow; the good or the bad.
Don’t take my word for it though, check out the MANY things below that I believe can be remedied (at least for the night) by a stiff drink:
1. HATE your job, but can’t quit right now because you need the money? Everything feels good again when you’re out the door and in the pub. Tomorrow’s fresh shit can wait until tomorrow.
2. Realizing he is not going to text you back. You will not be hearing from him again. He is GONE. It’s okay though. You don’t need him. All you need is wine.
3. Bored? In the mood to procrastinate from that assignment due tomorrow/revising for that exam next week/doing ANY work? Sit back, chill, and crack open a can of chilled cider. All your troubles will melt away until all you feel is mellow.
4. You didn’t get that new job and what makes it feel even worse is that you couldn’t have tried any harder. You gave it your all but it wasn’t good enough. Life SUCKS right now, and you are trying and severely failing to find a silver lining here. There is one though – it’s 5pm on a Wednesday and that means: HAPPY HOUR. #winning
5. Being dumped. Yeah it hurts, and it hurts BAD. What you need is a girl’s night out with copious SHOTS of anything.
6. Yet another one of your friends just got engaged/married/pregnant, and you are now pretty much the only single friend left in your group. Not that there’s anything wrong with singledom, but you really thought you’d also be thinking about marriage (possibly divorce?) at this age, instead of swiping left and right every spare second (and lowering your standards) like a desperado. Another bottle of wine please.
7. Just got fired. Well, I totally don’t have to pretend like I give a shit anymore, so let’s drink tonight until we’re utterly floored; stay in bed until noon, and wake up to our good friend PIZZA. This unemployment thing ain’t so bad my friends.
8. You turned a year older, and feel like you’re in the exact same place you were in this time last year. Except your face has a few etches, you’ve put on a few stubborn pounds, and your hangovers are now far, far worse. Nothing you can do but drink when it comes to this one people. Try not to think about that hangover.
9. You’re VERY hungover from last night (oops), because as I mentioned, there isn’t much that alcohol cannot fix. But how can I get rid of feeling so urrrgggghhhh? DRINK DRINK DRINK IT OFF. That’s what the current oh-so-edgy choppy-bob Swifty would sing I reckon…
So there you have it. The MANY things that alcohol can fix with its liquid magic. I would love it if you could enlighten me on a situation where alcohol has been unable to step up to the plate and make everything better. I just don’t (want to) believe there is one. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
Featured image via screengrab