There are things in this world that we are meant to experience. We are meant to experience disappointment. We are meant to experience heartbreak. We are meant to fall apart and not know where to start to build ourselves back up again. These are things that make us stronger and make us grateful. I just didn’t expect to experience all of that at once. I didn’t expect you to do it to me. It’s important to note that I don’t regret much. But I do regret believing anything you said – anything you told me. I regret believing you for a single second, and I regret letting you get into my head. I wish you wouldn’t have told me most of the words you spat my way.
I wish you wouldn’t have told me that I have the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen, because they only ever looked at you.
I wish you wouldn’t have told me that I was the complete package because you still made me feel lacking in the end. If I really was the complete package, things would have ended different. Your actions would have reflected those words.
I wish you wouldn’t have told me that you could see a future with me. There’s a difference between seeing a future with me, wanting a future with me, and actually making a future happen.
I wish you wouldn’t have told me that you’ve never been able to be 100% yourself with anyone like you could with me. It doesn’t mean anything to me now, because it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t true and that hurt me deeper than anything.
I wish you wouldn’t have told me that I deserve the world. Because to me, you were the world and you wouldn’t let me have it.
I wasn’t enough for you.
I wish you wouldn’t have told me that I was beautiful. My appearance doesn’t need to be validated by you, especially when you left anyway.
I wish you wouldn’t have told me that you’ve never had a stronger connection in any form with anyone than with me. Having the same opinions, ideas, and beliefs hasn’t gotten us anywhere.
I wish you wouldn’t have told me these things because even if you truly meant them, it wasn’t enough to make you stay. I’m left here knowing that there’s someone out there who believes these things about me, yet they don’t believe them enough to make things work. They made me feel so good in the moment, but as soon as you left, I questioned the honesty in your statements. How could they be honest? With the way you left, how could any of those statements be even remotely true? I wish you wouldn’t have told me anything, maybe then I wouldn’t doubt myself.
Featured image via Chase Loreto.