Growing up with the mindset that true love comes with every relationship, or that every relationship will last forever has led to a lot of disappointment and heartache. But it wasn’t just that, it was thinking that when two people fall in love there was nothing that could stop it, that life would find a way to keep these two people together forever and hopelessly in love. Well, I learned my lesson real quick with that one.
Life doesn’t owe us anything, if we want something to last or work, we need to work for it every single day, not sit there waiting for things to happen on their own. I’m currently in a relationship now where I know he’s it for me, he’s what I want for my future, and I know he feels the same way; but that doesn’t mean our relationship comes easily. We have to work at it every day.
Do we fight? Yeah, a lot.
Do we sometimes want to kill each other? Absolutely.
Am I constantly worried that one day he’ll just stop loving me? Every second.
I think about what would happen if you just stopped loving me daily, is it healthy? Probably not, but if that day ever comes, there’s a few things I want you to know.
I will never stop loving you with everything I have. I will love you wildly and I will love you deeply. I will love you because of the 15+ months we’ve spent cradled in each other’s arms, in each other’s tears, and in each other’s laughter have been the most amazing days of my life. I will love you the way I loved you when we first exchanged those 3 words. I will love every little detail of you; the freckle on your ear, the cuts on your hands from a hard day at work, the way you almost can never tell a story without getting off track. I will love you because I have to. I will love you because I can’t imagine a day where I won’t love you.
I will never let you forget the good times, the silly times, or the bad times. I will constantly remind you why you chose me. I will blast the country station on the radio and sing obnoxiously loud and attempt to serenade you while driving as you yell at me to watch the road. Every time I see a straw wrapper I will think of the one you tied around my finger while you were in the ICU and wrote “Will you marry me?” on the back of my hand with your finger. I will always think back to our first kiss and remind you how something so trivial could mean so much. I will always remind you how I knew I loved you that very first day. I will always promise to relieve you of your stresses, because you’ve told me before that, “your problems are my problems.” I will always think back to when I was afraid you were going to hurt me before we started dating, and you didn’t take that as an excuse, you fought to keep me before I was even yours to keep. I will remember how you pushed, how you fought, how you overcame all the torturous shit storms you’ve been through. I will, unfortunately, always remember how I felt when I thought I lost you the night of your motorcycle accident; and I will always fight to keep you here with me because there isn’t a single day that I want to live without you.
You memorized the way I like my coffee and what breakfast I like, when I’m in the mood for breakfast food. You recall every important detail in my life. You’ve memorized all my little quirks, and can tell in a millisecond when something is wrong. You always stare at me like you’re annoyed whenever I dance or sing while driving, but the second I look over at you, you can’t help but smile and laugh. After a hard day you just want to see me, and you’ve told me before that when you look at me, all you see is the rest of your life. You tell me you want to live the rest of your life with me, to marry me, and build a life with me. And I will never forget those moments when you would tell me you wouldn’t know what to do if you ever lost me.
I will remind you of all the ways you genuinely love me.
I will remind you how you came into my life and destroyed it, and all of a sudden the life I wanted was standing in front of me – because you were standing in front of me.
And if you’re worried, I promise there isn’t a single day where I can imagine not loving you. But if that day ever comes where you do stop loving me – remember all the reasons why you could never stop.