Our 20’s is a time for us to be selfish, to take risks. It’s a time to travel the world, move to a different city, see what the world has to offer outside of our comfort zones. It’s a time to find yourself, a time to begin your journey in the reality that we spent our whole lives trying to avoid.
Our 20’s should also be a time where you should be able to date and talk to whoever the hell we want without feeling a sense of judgement from others. It’s a time where we should be able to go grab drinks with the guy we met on Tinder, while simultaneously texting our cute guy back at home, simply because we can. And simply because we don’t give a flying f*ck.
I’m always talking to a guy. I go out and talk to a different person every night and sometimes kiss them too. I have a compiled list of numbers in my phone starting with the guy’s first name and ending with the bar I met them at: Derek Lit, Pete Coogans, Alex Jery Remy’s– the list continues. When I’m bored, I scroll through Tinder, and converse with 4 or 5 guys at time that usually start and end the same way. No matter how many times I have to copy and paste my responses to the “what are you looking to do after school?” question, it doesn’t get old. And to be completely honest, I don’t remember a time in my life where there wasn’t some guy on my radar.
One time I made a promise to myself that I would “give up boys” until Christmas. Ha. It lasted about a week. I found myself Tindering and texting all over again.
For some reason, I wanted to hate myself for it. I wanted to allow myself to believe that “I don’t know how to be alone,” and others tried to convince me too. The stigma behind women always having a guy in their life has painted us as desperate, pathetic, and helpless. We have low self confidence so we look to men to make us feel desired. We don’t love ourselves, so we need men to complete us. We need to learn how to be alone; we need to learn how to be independent and strong.
I think that is a load of bullshit.
I don’t date or talk to multiple men because I need to feel loved. I don’t date men to lift my low self esteem or to fill some emptiness in my heart. I date because it’s fun. I like chatting and getting to know people because it helps me better understand myself. I date because I don’t have a wedding ring on my finger and I date because I can and want to; not because I need to.
I used to be ashamed of the “long list of ex-lovers” I have. Some people roll their eyes when I talk about a new guy in my life because it always seems to change. My romantic life is constantly a whirlwind, but it’s one that I put myself in. Not because I fear “being alone,” but because it keeps my life fresh, fun, and exciting; something that I think your 20’s should be all about.
“You don’t know how to be alone.” You’re right. I have no clue how to be alone. That’s because I never allow myself to be alone. I constantly surround myself with people who I care about and who give my life more purpose. I don’t want to be alone, why is that a bad thing?
I like when guys compliment me. I like when I get a “how are you” text message from a guy I’m interested in. I like making out with random guys, and I enjoy the thrill of meeting someone new at the bar. And if you ask me to get drinks sometime, I probably will. I’d rather have a thousand different flings than settle for one person at a time in my life where I simply don’t want to settle. I’m not going to limit myself from talking to somebody to appease the opinions of others. I’m a huge flirt and I won’t be sorry for it.
I don’t define myself based on the guy I’m seeing. I’m not a girl who emotionally invests herself in men constantly. In fact, at this point in my life, I don’t really emotionally invest myself in anyone but myself. I’m strong. I’m independent. I’m happy. And I date a lot of guys. So what?
I’m happily single and I’m happily dating. It’s possible to be both at the same time. And I’m tired of answering to people who disagree.
So, what’s my point here? Date, talk to, sleep with, or make out with whoever the hell you want to without feeling like you’re doing something wrong. Because you’re not. Grab drinks with a guy even if he might not be your type. Give out your number on Tinder as many times as you want. So what if you and your ex just broke up? Don’t allow other people to tell you what you’re emotionally ready for and certainly don’t allow other people to tell you that you “don’t know how to be alone.” Defining your choices based on the opinions of others is one of the worst things you can do for yourself, so don’t.
You aren’t weak for always wanting to feel desired. You’re desired for a reason, so just go with it. You’re young and hot. It won’t last, so make the most of it.