How You Can Be A Woman In A Man’s World And Still Kick Ass

A wise woman once said, “I don’t mind living in a man’s world, as long as I get to be a woman in it!” That woman was Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn is still one of the most iconic women in history, known for her femininity and confidence. She paved the way for woman to believe in themselves, have confidence in their bodies and make sure the world knew that a woman could do anything a man could do, if not better. Marilyn also wasn’t afraid to tell the world how much she loved being a woman and that she was damn proud of it!

Like Marilyn, I like being a woman. Scratch that – LOVE IT. While I may have boobs that sometimes try to blind me when I run, or a uterus that feels like the devil destroying my body parts four to five days out of the month, I would not trade being a woman for a second.

When it comes down to it, I quite frankly don’t understand how men survive. It amazes me every day how some are able to tie their own shoes, let alone get out of bed without a woman’s assistance. There are many things that men have to do/chose to do that make me appreciate my lady parts every day. Here is why I would rather be a woman in a man’s world:

1. Movement. How does a man walk, dance, or physically move with that thing in-between his legs? Seriously. We have nothing holding us back down there.

2. Peeing. Yes our process might require a little more maintenance and leg muscles, but how does a man pee and not miss the toilet? Or for that matter, how do men feel comfortable whipping it out to pee in front of each other? For real.

3. Boners. How do men function in life with a thing that could jump up and say HELLO BOOBS at any second? Put that away. Us ladies can hide our lady boners and drool whenever we see Magic Mike.

4. Brain Function. Why do men only think with their zoo snakes? Pull it together! Women think about sex A LOT too, but we are able to multi-task.

5. Cleanliness. Why do men not notice disgusting smells? More importantly, when they do, why do they not care to remove them? Gross. Febreze is not always the answer!

6. Attention Span. Why is it that men have the attention span of 2.5 seconds? If you don’t say the important stuff quickly, their mind is off to think about pizza and boobs. Not cool. If you could give us ten seconds of your time, we will guarantee you action.

7. Manners. Why is burping and farting not only acceptable, but an art form? No thanks. Women do not burp and fart. End of story.

8. Handling Issues. How is it that men can beat each other up and ten seconds later go grab a beer like nothing happened? Women pull out weaves, block on Facebook, and hold a grudge for ten years. Much more acceptable.

9. Priorities. Why is it that you can’t commit to making plans with a girl you like, but you can commit to walking around town for 10 hours playing Pokémon? PULL YOUR LIFE TOGETHER before the only thing that wants to “play with you” is your Pokémon.

10. Hookers. You can have a girl at home waiting in bed for you with a bucket of chicken wings and a case of beer, but you chose to PAY to sleep with a complete stranger. Plot twist – a girlfriend is cheaper and easier to deal with verses overpriced sex and that STD that might pop up.

11. Asking Questions. Why can’t you ask for directions?! GROW A SET AND ASK! Why are women are able to accomplish a lot more? We ask questions when necessary.

Hands down, if it has to be a “man’s world”, I would rather be a woman in it – no questions asked. So we may have to have a bowling ball pressing on our bladder for nine months, we may get highly emotional at the sight of a horse and puppy Budweiser commercial, eat an insane amount of chocolate & act like a crazy person once a month, but women have a lot more positives going for them than negatives. We aren’t afraid to ask questions, we have a working brain, and we are able to rule the world.Lord knows men can not function without women. When it comes down to it, I am proud to be a woman, because bitches get stuff done.

Featured image via sophiaamaruso

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