Life is full of highs and lows. Sometimes you’re in the middle, waiting for your scales to tip. Other times, you drown because you have to drown before you can swim. Some people take longer to learn, or don’t learn at all. It’s terrible when your head is no longer a safe space for you and when you feel unloved. It may feel like you’re walking with your eyes closed. This poem is meant to be a tragedy dressed up as religious psychosis or trauma because when the lows run deep enough, it’s hard for God’s loving light to reach you.
God Loves All Equal
The mirror’s reflection is unrecognizable
Twisted in anxiety and spit-shined with depression.
Punch and kick and scream at your own lack of worth.
Headbutt the mirror and use the broken glass to cut out the sickness.
(It disables you from separating reality and fiction.)
Carve a prayer into your wrists so you can bleed for Christ.
You’re an atheist, but what does it matter when your brain spins opposite to the world around you?
(You’re delusional, nauseous.)
Your lack of faith doesn’t cancel out His existence, so-
Choke on the word of God and hurl it back into the sink.
Feel his love like a blinding light and learn to read Braille so you can worship him.
They say the devil preys on prayers for those who lack almighty faith, or are so full of it they swell and pop like a balloon.
(Celebrate.)
Should his divinity reject you-
At least you’ll have a reason to hate yourself.
Chain yourself to a crucifix.
(Hang.)
Feel the weight of his embrace pull you back onto the Earth.
You don’t belong in Heaven-
(Yet.)
Allow tears of self-loathing to water the flowers and trees of your garden.
If you keep your eyes closed, you’ll remain unaware of the beauty that blooms from tears of hurt.
God loves all equally.
(But equality is not equity.)
He did not love you enough.
Truth is, there is no end to God’s love. For some people, that might not be enough, or it might be meaningless altogether. No matter your beliefs, remember that you are capable of great beauty. So many artists go through a blue period because you can only paint astonishing colors when you’re sick of blues. Life can be full of tragedy, and it can either hold you under the water or shock you into getting out of the water—your choice.
Featured image via Jorge Salvador on Unsplash
