Sometimes, it feels like romance is dead, but it’s buried. Not in the poetic, tragic old novel way, but more like a forgotten story. Something we occasionally bring up with friends or hear from our parents and grandparents. These days, we’re tangled in a mess of “situationships,” “casual dating,” and every other confusing and blurry label that keeps us trapped on this emotional rollercoaster. When you’re with someone, it is just small enough to forget about when you’re busy, but too big to get out of your head when you’re alone.
We are swamped with endless relationship trends: the “3-month rule,” “ghosting,” “man’s first love,” “the 19 theory,” or ‘the 6-month block.”
The genuine joy of getting to know someone slowly is becoming rare. Meeting someone and building trust and faith in another person, a stranger, is not an easy task. Yet, we have trended towards ‘casual intimacy’ so much that we have lost the joy of getting to know someone without the social media’s peer-pressured eyes. Real love blooms like flowers, long and slow; they need just enough sunlight, water, and air to live and thrive.
Our friends and family fuel what we think about romance. If all your friends dislike the person you’re talking to, or that one friend you have, the chances of you building something beneficial with them diminishes, to be liked and agreed with is a form of survival, yet we can become influenced by the wrong people or online views of how things are done that you lose sight of what truly make you happy.
Dating apps don’t make it easier.
Swipe right if he looks cute. But swipe left if he says he wants something short-term. How can we ever learn to know someone deeply if our first impression is what they want us to see? As people, we are subconsciously reading each other all the time. Our gut gives us signals when someone feels good or bad, and we can sense each other’s emotions, guiding us to make the right connections.
Romance has become fast replies and strings of texts; flirting is a pile of memes and TikToks that say, “This is so us.”
We struggle to determine what “normal” dating looks like anymore. The constant search for shallow validation from others can become demoralizing. These dopamine ‘love bursts’ we give ourselves with casual and short-term relationships? They add up. Whether it’s romantic or not, every relationship leaves an imprint on your body, brain, and heart. Learn to build relationships that benefit you. Just because your friend group all has Tinder doesn’t mean you have to, too, and this is just as important in non-romantic settings as well. Having friends and even family that cannot support or see you as you are is a toll on your mental wellbeing, maybe more than you know.
We are little pieces of everyone we meet; a mosaic of the people we encounter, picking up little things we find from each and making it our own.
As children, we are blank slates that we paint as we grow physically and mentally. But in a world filled with outside validation, trends, and topics, the fear of criticism and rejection by outside judgment confines you to the people who make you feel that way, whereas those who embody unfamiliarity and change encourage you to do the same.
You become who you surround yourself with. You are only truly yourself if you consciously make an effort to detach and only retain what makes you a better person. Filter the way you create relationships and romance in your life. If an online connection fuels you, continue to do so. If it drains you, find ways to make connections outside of your comfort zone.
Live only for yourself and collect what drives you to be better.
Featured image via David Gomes on Pexels
