The Beauty Of Feeling ‘Incomplete’ In Your 20s

We all seek wholeness, but if there is one thing about our 20s, it’s this haunting feeling of incompleteness. This feeling shows up in the uncertainty of our futures, in the pressure to “make something” of ourselves, and in the longing to belong, to feel known, rooted, and seen. Maybe we feel incomplete because we just moved somewhere new and are still searching for our “people.” Or maybe it’s because even after 20-something years on Earth, we haven’t yet found “the one” who really knows us. Maybe it’s because we’re still trying to figure out who we are, still shaping the question before we dare ask for the answer.

Lately, I’ve been sitting with this “incomplete” feeling.

I float between choices and chapters, not always sure what I want or where to land. There’s a quiet kind of chaos in this process, a drifting, a low hum of disorder that feels like entropy. And while I don’t think that this only happens in our 20s, it seems to take up the most space in my life right now. It feels like we’re all reaching for future versions of ourselves that we can’t quite see yet.

Our 20s are a significant time in our development. We find ourselves constantly searching for answers, and we often feel incomplete. But what if this sense of incompleteness isn’t a problem to fix? 

What if incompleteness forces us to keep searching for the “thing” that we feel is missing?

What if feeling like we’re missing something is necessary to propel us into becoming? Towards this ideal sense of completeness that we constantly reach for but never grasp? That longing is actually what pushes us forward in life. If we felt complete, would we reach for more? Would we find the desire to grow? Maybe our twenties are supposed to feel messy, unresolved, and open-ended because this is when we learn and transform. 

This sense of completeness isn’t perfection; it’s peace. Peace looks different for everyone. For some, it’s a quiet home and a stable routine. For others, it’s freedom, a packed suitcase, and a one-way ticket. Peace may also mean deep friendships, fulfilling careers, or simply learning to sit with feelings without needing to escape.

Whatever peace means to you, know that it isn’t permanent. In my 22 years of life, I’ve learned that nothing lasts forever. So when our peace slips away, how do we find it again? In all the shifts, the searching, and the not knowing, what can we rely on? 

We can only rely on ourselves, but this self-reliance is powerful, not lonely. My personal sense of peace is accepting what is — all of life’s incompleteness — and recognizing that I can take action towards what I want. 

I know that I have what I need within me. I can begin again and again, as many times as I need to.

Maybe the real beauty of your 20s: learning to live with the questions and trusting that who you’re becoming is already enough.

Featured Photo by iam_os on Unsplash.