I’m Tired Of Being Told How I Should Feel About Disappointment

Let’s talk about disappointment—and the double standard that comes with it when you’re someone like me.

Everyone experiences disappointment. It’s a universal part of life. Plans fall through. Things don’t go your way. And most people are allowed to sit with those feelings, feel them fully, and move on in their own time.

But when society tells you otherwise, that same grace often isn’t extended.

Recently, I was looking forward to a trip I had been planning for months. I was genuinely excited—hopeful, even. But when something changed and the trip had to be rescheduled, people rushed to remind me to look on the bright side. “At least it wasn’t canceled,” they said. “That’s still good news.”

It didn’t feel good. It felt like I wasn’t even allowed to be disappointed.

Because when the average person is let down, no one rushes to invalidate their feelings. They’re allowed to vent. To sulk. To cry. They take their time processing it.

But when I express those same emotions? I’m told to just be grateful for the opportunity at all.

This is the double standard I deal with all the time.

Most people have flexibility when plans change. They can pivot and find something else to look forward to. I don’t always have that luxury. Any experience I get excited about usually involves other people, planning, so much planning and —so many logistics just to make it happen in the first place.

The average person might not be used to disappointment, so they  do everything else in their power to do anything but feel it  and that’s perfectly normal. 

But I’ve had to get used to disappointment. I’ve learned how to cope with it, over and over again. Still, if I dare to express that sadness or frustration out loud, I’m suddenly “depressed,” or something must be wrong with me.

When any average person feels disappointed, the story ends there. When I get disappointed, people feel the need to explain why it can’t happen, and I am assured everything will be okay, as if I were a child.

So, what’s the difference between me and the average person? Have you figured it out yet? No okay i will tell you.

I’m a person with a disability

That’s it. That’s the big difference. But for some reason, that difference leads people to believe I shouldn’t feel disappointment the way others do—or at least, not show it.

And that needs to change.

You can’t fix my disappointment. So please, don’t try to. Instead, start normalizing it. Accept that disabled people are allowed to be disappointed—just like everyone else. We’re human. We have hopes. We get let down. And that’s okay.

The real issue isn’t my disappointment—it’s the double standard.

Stop trying to sugarcoat things for us. Stop spinning our letdowns into something we should be grateful for just because we’re disabled.

Imagine the roles were reversed. What if you were the one constantly told how to feel? What if you weren’t allowed to express disappointment without people trying to reframe it or rush you to move on?

Not so fair now, is it?

So please—take disability out of the equation for a moment. I’m just a person. And I deserve to feel disappointed, too.

Featured image via Austin Kehmeier on Unsplash