Here’s A Toast To The Douchebags!

They say insanity is when we do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. We all have that one guy, you know the one…the one that you’re finally over and all of a sudden you’re laying on your couch geeking out with your bestie when your phone vibrates and that’s it….three little words “hey what’s up” and game over, you’re in love with him again. Are we insane? Well I’m sure 99% of the male population would say yes, but no, IT’S NOT YOU IT’S HIM.

photoWHY DOES HE THINK HE CAN DO THIS TO YOU? Like, does he have some sort of tracker on your heart? It seems that it’s always right when you decide you’re totally over them and then bam, there he goes showing up at the bar looking extra sexy. A smile, four drinks, and an hour long conversation and all of a sudden you wake up naked in his bed. BUT YOU WERE DOING SO WELL. And you chose to ignore the looks you were getting from your best friends across the bar, cause what do they know anyway? They didn’t do the same thing with their douche bag last weekend I swear.

So you wake up in the morning reeking of stale tequila and have half of your makeup smeared off. Gather your clothes and what little bit of dignity you have left, and try to get out of there as soon as possible. Text your group chat for a ride, and spend the next three hours drowning yourself in buffalo chicken and Gatorade. And as much as you hate yourself for doing it…again for the millionth time, you secretly love it because maybe, just maybe this time he changed.

Well, guess what… a few days pass with no texts and you realize he didn’t change, and honestly, he probably never will. So you cling to the people who love you, spend the day laughing and crying with your girlfriends, I swear next time I’ll listen to you guys. Yeah right, and I bet you’re over him too…until a few weeks from now when he texts you again…but for now you’re a strong independent woman, and no one can break you. Maybe, just maybe one day we’ll get over our douche bag.

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  1. Believe it or not, a lot of guys have these toxic lovers too. We might not be as open about it, but I think it goes to say that most people have had, currently have, or will some day have that one person that’s perfectly wrong for them; some individual that shows up when you think you forgot them just to stir things up and vanish as quickly as they appeared. They leave you feeling stupid and weak, but the fact is: you KNOW how wrong this person is. And deep down you know perfectly well they won’t change. I think the reason we keep running back to them isn’t because we’re insane, but because we need to be reminded of how vulnerable we are. You’re familiar with this person. You know how they operate. You’re going to get used and hurt but it’s ultimately on your own terms. They’re like a vaccine; a weakened version of something much worse. Something you’ve prepared yourself for with heart-dropping texts and regretful one-night-stands. You might keep going back to this one person, but you probably won’t let anyone else do this to you ever. Because you know better; you’re smarter, stronger, better prepared all because of this repetitive mistake. Some day you’ll learn all the lessons there are to be learned from this person. When this day comes they’re going to text you (because they’re weirdo telepathic radar will tell them to), you’ll probably want to tell them to fuck off or something along those lines, but you’ll realize that they’re not even worth a response. So you’ll delete the text and get on with your life.


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