When we think of achievements, we typically think of our career accomplishments and life milestones. However, it’s important to remember that there are other types of successes that are just as important as the “big” ones that society celebrates. One of the most overlooked accomplishments is going through daily life when we’re grieving. It’s not easy, but most people don’t celebrate it like they do other goals.
When my brother, David, unexpectedly passed away three years ago, living everyday life while grieving became a reality for my family and I. I wondered how I could live life, let alone accomplish goals and find happiness with my brother gone. It seemed nearly impossible.
In the early days after his death, simply eating was a win. A few months later, a small victory was not only saying his name but telling people about his life and death without falling apart.
A year in, going to an arcade felt like climbing Mount Everest and succeeding in the most bittersweet way possible. David loved video games, so going to the arcade was a massive win.
Year two without my brother was about not holding back how I was really feeling emotionally. I let the numbness wear off a bit, and I stayed honest with myself and my loved ones. They needed to know that grief made me a new person. Showing my family how grief affected me was an emotionally vulnerable win that still makes me proud.
My most significant accomplishment almost three years into my grief journey is that I’m genuinely happy again and can celebrate the good times. This year, I went on my first real vacation and landed my first paid writing job, and I finally felt like it was OK to be happy about those achievements.
Do I still have bad grief days? Hell yes — I’m not immune to them. January 3 will mark three full years without my brother, but I’m still allowed to have bad days. Even those who have been grieving for years longer than I have struggle sometimes. And that’s OK. After all, the pain of grief never fully goes away.
In society, we praise visible success, but when we lose someone we love, all we tend to see is the loved ones’ loss. What we need to recognize more is the accomplishments — both big and small — that grieving families and friends make. When every day is a struggle, these successes are worth celebrating.
Featured Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash.
