4 Roots Of Domestic Violence That Everyone Should Understand

Some behavior patterns repeat themselves in homes across generations, across cities, and even across cultures. You may call them “coincidences,” but they’re not. They’re the four roots of domestic violence — alcohol, debt, infidelity, and anger — and they destroy more homes than any curse ever could.

1. Alcohol

When a family member drinks excessively, they don’t just lose control of their mind; they also lose control of their emotions. Alcohol blurs the thin lines between anger and action and love and dominance. For many people, the moment they cross that line, they react with violence, which hurts their family both physically and emotionally. Domestic violence starts with a raised voice, then a slammed door, and finally, a physical escalation. What follows is always the same: feelings of guilt, an apology, and then a repetition of the same behavior. The cycle renews until the instigator either seriously injures someone or gets sober. 

2. Debt

When someone ties their pride to their ability to provide, debt becomes more than a number; it also becomes a wound to their ego. The frustration of failing to save the family finances can easily cause marriages to crumble, especially if the primary provider’s partner is overspending. Even if the debt rests squarely on the provider’s shoulders, this person may blame others for their shortcomings, even though in reality, these family members aren’t to blame for the financial downfall. But reality isn’t a consideration when pride goes to a provider’s head.

3. Infidelity

People who cheat on their partners often desire an escape from their everyday lives. The affair becomes a fantasy in which they can feel attractive, in control, and loved. But every lie to their partners creates distance in their relationships, and soon, that distance causes them to resent their partners. Soon, their partner symbolizes everything they run from — responsibility, routine, and truth. Hatred grows where love once lived, and the house that should be a home turns into a battlefield instead.

4. Anger

Anger often lies at the root of all of these other domestic problems. Some people carry anger like a shadow — it’s never gone, only silent. Anger can come from childhood, failure, or fear. And when anger erupts, it doesn’t just break things; it also breaks people. People in anger-dominant homes learn to read others’ footsteps, voices, and silence because danger has a rhythm, and survival depends on learning it.

These four roots of domestic violence can destroy marriages, families, and lives. A good partner remains faithful, controls their temper, and doesn’t take their addictions or their financial shortcomings out on their partners. If your partner is quick to anger, blames you for their issues or traumas, or hurts you emotionally or physically, take every step possible to leave, or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for support. You deserve to be in a loving, caring, supportive relationship with a partner who shows you that true love doesn’t hurt, lie, or cheat.

Featured Photo by Benjamin Voros on Unsplash.