When Your Life Is A Series Of “Nos”

When a kid or teenager screams, “My phone is private! I have the right to date whoever I want!” millions of girls around the world laugh – or cry – quietly. This is not a debate, but a life full of nos.

Their life is in the form of a list of what they can’t do:

No wearing short skirts, swimsuits, bikinis, crop tops, off-the-shoulder outfits, dresses, piercings, or tight leggings.

No choosing your own haircut, hairstyle, or open hair.

No birthday parties, having friends, talking to boys, or going on social media.

No wearing makeup, practicing skincare, having a nail day, or going to the spa.

No going on dates, vacations, to the bar, park, eating out, or outside (unless you’re in school or allowed to have a job).

No marriage outside of who your parents choose for you.

No reading romance stories, cartoons, or writing in a diary.

No talking back, locking your room door, or having a phone (even if you’re 18 or over 18) until you get married.

No hobbies.

This is childhood, growing up, 100% ground reality. This defines adulthood for women before marriage. Yet they say to you proudly, “This is normal and modern.”

Your choices don’t exist; they belong to someone else. Every small rebellion is a crime. Even breathing feels borrowed. 

And somehow, after all that, they say: “You’re free now.”

They call this freedom, making you feel grateful for scraps.

“At least we never raised a hand on you, unlike many other parents.”

“Well, you don’t have to do all the house chores like other girls.”

“At least you have it better than them.”

They push the bar so low that they present the absence of extra punishment as a gift. Your parents train you to celebrate not being a maid, nor being forced into labor, while forgetting that the basics of choice, dignity, and freedom were never on the table to begin with. Gratitude becomes another chain, disguised as love.

Once, I wasn’t caught stealing, lying, or cheating. Instead, someone caught me reading an anime love story fandom. And they punished me with threats of death, threatened punishment if they ever found me reading about love or watching romance drama, or dating. The price of innocence is heavy here, when you’re born a girl.”

And the nos don’t disappear in adulthood; they just move. Into your marriage, society, and expectations, you can’t escape. 

At the end of the day, when your life is a series of “nos,” you’re never really free. 

Photo by Spencer Quast on Unsplash