Imagine telling someone you’re dating, and they say, “Congratulations!”—but then follow it up with, “When you say ‘dating,’ what do you mean? Is he coming over more?”
Someone actually asked me that recently. I gave a general answer and moved on, but the question lingered in my mind. How could it not? I was excited to share that I was dating someone, but their response left me both shocked and, unfortunately, not surprised. As a person with a disability, I’ve come to expect questions like this.
Later, I vented to my then-boyfriend about how much the question bothered me. He said, “It’s just because you’re disabled. I know that’s tough to take.” He was completely right, though it was still hard to hear.
What’s really being asked is whether my relationship will become physical, and, if so, how.
Most people would consider asking such a personal question inappropriate—except when it’s directed at someone with a disability. That’s the uncomfortable truth.
People with disabilities are often infantilized when it comes to relationships, as if dating isn’t legitimate for us. But it absolutely is. I know disabled people who are married, have children, and build families, just like anyone else. The only difference is that they happen to be disabled.
Dating is a normal right of passage for anyone who wants to experience it.
Yet, for those of us with disabilities, it’s often seen as taboo or extraordinary when it’s honestly no big deal.
Thankfully, we’re starting to see this change, in part because of disabled content creators and interabled couples, like Shane and Hannah of Squirmy & Grubs or Cole and Charisma of Roll with Cole & Charisma, who share their lives openly online. Their honesty is helping make these relationships less taboo and making it less surprising for others to see us in public, dating like everyone else.
People sometimes ask me what dating looks like for me. My answer: If it seems like a regular relationship, that’s precisely what it is to me.
Are any two relationships the same? No, and that’s true for everyone, disabled or not. Love and romantic relationships should be okay for all. Dating is just as normal for people with disabilities as it is for anyone else.
If I turned those questions around and asked you what dating looks like, you might find it odd. Please remember that. Our relationships are just as meaningful, valid, and normal as anyone else’s. There is nothing weird or wrong about it.
Featured image via Ellie Cooper on Pexels
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Great post, and it’s true, we all seek harmony—in relationships, in life, and even in our surroundings. Just as it is important to take care of ourselves, it is also important to take care of the environment. In Edinburgh, Affordable Waste Management https://affordablewastemanagement.co.uk/commercial-waste-services-edinburgh/ does this by offering effective commercial waste services. Their team helps businesses stay clean and tidy, making caring for the environment the norm — just like caring for yourself.
When I read your piece, I felt an immediate sense of recognition. I’ve had those same moments—sharing the excitement of dating only to be met with questions that reveal people’s assumptions about disability. It’s frustrating, because my relationships are just relationships, shaped by connection, not by how others imagine my life works. In fact, exploring how people perceive intimacy reminded me of a CrushOn AI review I came across https://ai-characters.com/reviews/crushon-ai-review/ which talks about how understanding and empathy shape healthier interactions. That’s all I want: for others to see my dating life as normal, valid, and fully mine—because it is.
The push-and-pull between craving connection and fearing vulnerability is so real, and you’ve explained it brilliantly. This makes a strong case for why intentionality is the true foundation of any fulfilling connection, undefined or not. For those seeking to avoid the gray area altogether, using direct platforms such as https://datemio.online/ can be a practical step toward finding people who want the same thing.