A Teacher Monologue, Based On The Barbie Movie

If you saw “Barbie”, you remember Gloria’s monologue about the impossible, conflicting expectations that society places on women. We hold women to extremely high standards, but Gloria’s words can also apply to people in all kinds of professions. Here’s what the famous Barbie monologue would look like if it were about my high-stress career as a teacher:

It is literally impossible to be a teacher. You are so hardworking and creative. It destroys me that society makes teachers feel like we are not good enough. We always have to do our best, but our best never satisfies anyone.

Stay organized, but don’t make kids feel like they can’t touch anything in your classroom. And you should label “everything” — but really only some items — because kids should be able to navigate their environments independently. You should have an aesthetically pleasing classroom, but you should spend your own money to really make it stand out. But don’t spend too much money so your classroom doesn’t look better than someone else’s. Love teaching, but don’t talk about being a teacher too much. And never complain about your career. After all, you chose this profession, so you knew what you got yourself into!

Additionally, you should answer for your students’ behavior, even if you weren’t in the classroom when they behaved poorly. You should never reprimand or punish a child’s bad behavior — only reward them. But don’t reward your students too much because then, how will they learn their lesson? Make sure to give homework, but don’t give so much that your students don’t have enough time to play. And of course, you can’t give too little homework because your students must also learn outside of school.

Make sure that you make room for vocabulary, anchor charts, and manipulatives. Put comments on students’ work — even if they can’t read what you write. But make sure that you only include positive comments, especially if you plan on displaying it in your classroom.

Make sure you constantly check items off of your to-do list but leave room for more items at the bottom. After all, you should work hard for all 180 school days because you’re lucky to have summers off when almost no one else does. 

Don’t spend the whole day teaching up in front of the class, but also don’t spend too much time in small groups. Get all of your kids up to the grade-level reading and math requirements, but keep up with the curriculum even if your students fall behind and need extra help understanding the material. Make sure that your students can pass the state test that decides whether your school gets money, but also make sure they can be creative and have fun! And don’t worry, if they don’t pass the test, it will only be your fault, not the administration’s, the children’s, or the parents’. (Especially not the parents’ fault.)

Always be mindful of the fact that every child and their family has on their plate, but always keep adding to your own plate so that people see you as a dedicated teacher. Please take care of your mental health, but never use a sick day to care for yourself. Always let your kids go to the bathroom whenever they need to, but if you need to go badly, hold it until lunch or prep period.

Never overachieve because your school will never be able to pay you enough for extra effort, but you should never, ever fail. Make time to volunteer for school events, though. Give us your all during observations, but please know that we will mark you down on minute things because we must prove that educators always have room for improvement.

At the end of the day, teachers get no rewards, bonuses, or promotions. Very rarely does anyone ever thank them unless it’s Teacher Appreciation Week. But remember to still express how thankful you are to be a teacher! And just so you know, no matter how hard you try or how much you care, no one will ever see you as good enough. As teachers, we come to work every day, put on a show, and no matter what, we never do enough.

Teaching is a woman-dominated profession, so society treats teachers just like they treat women — with ridiculous expectations that often conflict. The next time you see a teacher, thank them — we work hard and truly care about our students.

Photo by Elena Mishlanova on Unsplash