Ah, babies. They’re cute, aren’t they? With their new baby smells, cherub cheeks, and coos, we fall in love oh so quickly. And unless you failed every biology class ever, you know about the birds and the bees. And sex. You know how babies are made. I’m a proud momma to a 7-year-old child (sorry to my kid in advance for when he inevitably stumbles across this) and recently, my friends and I were discussing our sex lives.
The main question? Do pregnancies or children ruin your sex life? Well, the answer isn’t so simple as a yes or no. We’ve all had the “near misses,” where little Junior opens the door your hubby forgot to lock in the throes of passion. An immediate prayer is sent up to whatever deity you believe in that he didn’t see anything as you grab for your bra or the blanket.
We have all been there!
That begs the question, how do you maintain your intimacy when little tikes are running around?
- Kids sleep in their own beds.
I know! I know! But don’t “@” me. How are you supposed to get it on when an 8-year-old is splayed out snoring in the middle of your bed? Unless it’s drastic circumstances, like breastfeeding or a sick child, then little Madison needs to sleep in her own bed. Do something that makes them want to sleep on their own. A new blanket or sheet? Who needs Mom and Dad’s ergonomic mattress topper when they have their very own unicorn sheets? (Hell, I’m 34 and want unicorn sheets, but I digress.)
- Send the kids off to Grandma.
“Send my kids off to their grandparents? What’ll people think?!” Normal people will think grandparents need time with their grandkids and a couple occasionally needs a night to themselves. No grandparents or they live farther away than you’d like? Hire a trusted overnight babysitter and have a night on the town! Take a staycation and enjoy the minibar.
- Hang up the Uber hat.
Our kids are cute as can be in their soccer uniforms or karate gear, but don’t become their Uber driver. If you’re scheduled with after-school activities until 7-8pm, there’s precious little time to spend with your significant other. Being a parent is one of the most rewarding things we can do, but we need to keep the romance alive. Superdad and Supermom can take a break. It’s okay, I promise.
- Be on the same page.
You’ve set aside a special night for McLovin’ and you’re all set to put the kids to bed when, suddenly, little Olivia has decided she needs another tuck in, 3 glasses of water, another story, and then decides she can’t find her stuffed giraffe from 2 years ago. Mommy said it was time for bed, and Dad needs to agree. Being on the same page as your S.O ensures a smoother household for everyone. Thus, assuring no one is climbing into bed at inopportune times.
- Make date night a priority.
COVID-19 can make date nights tricky. When the world plunges back into normalcy, set aside special time to get dressed up and go out and remember the reasons you fell in love in the first place. For now, a weekly movie night sans kids can easily be a great chance to cuddle and reconnect.
Kids are the ultimate commitment. We create them, we love them, and we raise them in hopes they become good people who do great things. That said, we have to keep love alive in our relationships. So, do kids ruin sex lives? Not a chance.