Can we all take a moment to acknowledge Dancing With the Stars does the lord’s work by resurrecting our fav thirsty celebs with a platform to foxtrot their asses off in camel toe inspired and Cher approved getups, because BLESS.
This season, the ABC hit has some choice competitors, one in particular is the well known namely professional cat savior and accused murderer, Carole Baskin. I have so many questions. Which professional victim, I mean, dancer, will they pair her with? Will each costume don her signature animal print? If Carole loses, which—it’s only a matter of time—who are we kidding, will she feed her partner to a bin of savage felines? The anticipation is EATING me alive. I’m sorry— I really couldn’t resist.
Speaking of cats, Catfish host Nev Schulman will be joining us as well. Now, this could really go either way. I like Nev but he doesn’t seem wildly charming and doesn’t strike me as someone who casually owns a pair of steel-toed tap dancing shoes. But it will be interesting to see who the typecast him as. The underdog? The crier? The surprising screen-stealer? The popcorn is ready.
Nev and Carole aren’t the only treats to look forward to, (Grammy-winning rapper Nelly, will also make an appearance, salsa-ing in air force ones no doubt. I’m also curious- did he stay tried and true to his signature/sidekick bandaid after all these years?
Reality star and soap opera darling, Chrishell Stause will surely be using this opportunity to showcase her theatre skills” Mama is ready for the big screen and a televised dancing competition is a mere stepping stone to her silver screen dreams.
Backstreet’s back with AJ McLean, alright! As an invested BSB fan, AJ is by far the least exciting.. Sorry AJ, but you had to have known my true feelings towards you since you were cut out of the BSB posters on my wall back in 99. Regardless of how I feel, break a leg!
Actress and Ellen DeGeneres’ex, Anne Heche is also a contender this season. I suppose I don’t know much about Anne other than she lived in Ellen’s shadow for a number of years. Who knows? Maybe she has an announcement and needs a stage. Maybe she’s discovered a new hairstyle. While it might seem a little off-brand for her, the pandemic has touched us all in different ways, so anything goes!
Hunky gardener from Desperate Housewives Jesse Metcalfe will hopefully be spreading his seeds to one lucky dance partner because. Let me fill you in, he’s still as hot as July on Westeria Lane. Bon appetit.
Finally, and spoiler alert, Olympic figure skater Johnny Weir and his hair will likely be skating away with the DWTS gold. I mean, he’s basically a professional dancer in slippers, is he not? Either way, the producers aren’t stupid. They’ll find a way to keep the accumulation of dramatic moments alive and well with reality basket cases, Baskin and Stause. And we simply cannot WAIT to see who gets eaten this season. Meow.
Featured Image via ABC Dancing With The Stars