We all have those people in our life that we feel just weigh us down until we are crawling on our hands and knees. Those people that dig claws into our back so we cannot escape their grasp all because their familiarity is too strong. Maybe I am just a grudge holder, but I think it is extremely important to acknowledge a toxic friend and know when, and how, to escape before the Final Friend Shit Show has its grand finale.
I am sure we have all had a friend or a couple that we have known since diapers or finger painting. Someone that you have spent 15+ years with. From your barbies, to your first kiss, first breakup, first basically everything you have spent with this person or people. A friend that you have been through thick and thin with and just know that you will be close forever, no matter the distance.
Well let me be the one to be blunt when I say: You are wrong.
I know it can be extremely difficult when it is someone you have spent years knowing because they are familiar. However, although it will be hard, there comes a time for you to really think if that person is worth your friendship. Let me be your tour guide through the world of bff’s and show you how to tell when it is time to break up with your best toxic friend.
1. Body Shaming
We have all been through those awkward pre-teen and teen years when your body is starting to change and your womanly parts begin to fill out in ways you never thought could happen. My pre-teen years consisted of my breasts being in a half flat-half filling out stage which left them looking awkward and pointy. This look left my bestest of friends shaming me and making fun of my “pointy boobs.” The shaming ultimately caused me to hate my breasts for many years and I was never comfortable with them.
Well I can safely say, now that I am 20, my breasts are no longer pointy (Thank God). However, I am sure I am not the only teenager who had awkward breasts when going through puberty. Puberty is already a crappy time for kids, don’t let your “friends” make it harder for you to adjust. This should not even be about just body shaming because some friends will tell you they don’t like your style, your clothes, or anything else about you that hurts your feelings and they will not care. This is lesson number one and an obvious sign of a toxic friend. If your “BFF” causes you to hate yourself, then you should be reevaluating your best friend decision.
2. Gossiping, Untruthfulness, and Unfaithfulness
What is the number one thing a best friend is supposed to do? Be true to you and back you up. That means to not take private information that you have shared and going and telling other random people. If your “BFF” is taking things you have told her, such as a crush, or your deepest and darkest secret, and telling other people that have no right in your personal life then it is time to break up with them. It takes a lot to share something personal with someone, no matter how close they are. Although you have told your best friend, it does not give them the right to take that information and extend its listeners to the rest of society. Your personal life is yours. If you cannot trust your BFF, then say goodbye. Gossiping, untruthfulness, and unfaithfulness = toxic friend. Remember that.
3. The “Always Your Fault”
Perhaps when you feel like you have an issue with your friend you pushed yourself to finally open up and just talk about what it is that has bothered you. Maybe you want to call them out on telling a secret to an enemy because they probably have done it before. But, somehow the problem gets turned onto you. Somehow you are being told that you just have not been a good friend and blah blah. Whether you have been a good friend or not, whatever your BFF did was still wrong. Do not let them turn the situation onto your hands. Nothing is your fault. If your best friend pulled something against you, it’s on them and it is time for them to own up to their mistakes. Just remember, it’s not your fault that your “BFF” sucks at their job.
4. The Never Ending Thing They Do That Annoys You
Maybe your BFF has a certain trait or characteristic to them that drives you crazy. It is not your place to tell them to change their ways, unless it is something serious and you are just trying to help them out. If your best friend has a personality trait that you literally just cannot stand then think about cutting ties.
Sometimes when you have been friends with someone for a lot of years, you look past the fact that you have grown into two entirely different people that do not want to be around each other. Although you cannot stand each other, you keep holding onto a friendship just because it has been there forever. It isn’t easy, but it is time to realize that you cannot do it anymore. You are two different people and you can’t do the same activities or talk about the same things so take off the blinds and say goodbye to this toxic friend.
5. Can’t Comprehend Their Faults
This is a serious issue. If your BFF has done something wrong and you try to explain it to them then hopefully it goes the right way. The right way would be to acknowledge what they have done that is wrong and just apologizing. That way you both can move on and forget the whole thing. However, some BFF’s can’t accept the fact that they are not right all of the time and that they also make mistakes. We are all human people. But, if your friend will not accept it, and instead just fights back with you still trying to argue and win the argument, then say goodbye. These friends are not even worth it. If the person you trust and rely on most cannot even apologize to you for their mistakes then they are not even worth your time anymore. DUMP THEM.
6. Make Themselves Feel Higher Through Put Downs
This is the worst trait for anyone to have. There are certain people in the world who have a tendency to be extremely jealous of other people. With that group of jealous people there is an even smaller group that will go to extremes to put you down just so they can feel better about them-pathetic-selves. If you are seriously associating with someone who shuns you, has to one-up you, has to always prove you wrong about every situation even though they are wrong, or just makes fun of you, your clothes, your relationship, etc, then please think about the type of person you are associating with.
There are people in the world that will seriously do the above stated things just so that they can feel higher than you. These disgusting people use their friendships as a way to make their lives seem slightly better. If you have a BFF that does this to you, it is time to acknowledge their shallowness and move on to a new and better best friend because hey, if this toxic “friend” is sending you home from school crying every day, I doubt they are worth your time.
7. Part of Growing Up
After reading my six types to avoid a toxic relationship, I hope you can realize how much more you deserve (if you are even having issues). Of course not everyone’s best friend is this way. I know some people out there have some really awesome best friends. This is for the girls who have ever felt the way that I do, that feel stuck to someone just because you have been besties for endless years. I can’t tell you it is easy, it is really hard, but I said goodbye to toxic people and feel a lot better now.
I have friends now that I trust, that are there for me, and make me feel really good about myself. These are the friends that everyone deserves. Break up with your 15+ year best friend and make room in your heart for a new and improved one. It is time for you to realize that you are better than what you have been wasting your time with. Good luck.
Previously Published on Thought Catalog