For many years, I never really understood what the big deal was about sex. I was in a long term relationship, only slept with two people (both boys) and never really explored masturbation or my own sexuality. I had sex with my boyfriend about once or twice a week and it was always the same. I didn’t hate it but I definitely didn’t love it. I had sort of just fallen into a routine.
I would occasionally have moments of clarity. I remember a friend telling me that when she and her boyfriend have sex, it feels as if they are totally different people. I would nod along in agreement but I had no idea what she meant. Or, once, when I watched Drive and specifically the scene where Ryan Gosling pushes Maggie Gyllenhall up against the wall of the lift and I thought, “Wow I’m not sure I’ve ever really felt that kind of desire”.
After breaking up with my long-term boyfriend, I felt immensely free. I really wanted to start exploring all those things that I never got a chance to in my teens/early twenties. I bought a vibrator, started watching porn, realized I might like girls as well as boys and suddenly became obsessed with sex.
As luck would have it (and it really was the luckiest thing that has ever happened to me), I met the love of my life, now fiancé, a few months after my break up.
Has that stopped me exploring my sexuality? Well, not really…
My fiancé and I have what I would describe as an open/together relationship. We’ve had threesomes, foursomes and even had sex in front of other people. And yet, we plan on doing so much more. Sex is sex and I’m here to enjoy it. And we explore its many wonderful, complicated offerings together.
In this series, I will write about my sexual experiences. The complications, the joys and why I think each relationship should have its own rules and definitions. Because many people might think we’re mad, but this works for us and it could work for you too.
Sex is not something to be ashamed of. No matter how dirty it might be.