All right, men, listen up!
I have a huge grievance, and I need to gripe about it. I really hope you’re ready for this, men, because it’s going to be a huge pill to swallow.
There is an epidemic sweeping the heterosexual portion of the so-called “men” of this nation. A virus, a plague, a scourge, if you will. This pestilence has caused some severe memory problems, specifically relating to us women and how men should ask us out.
Now, I understand that it can be nerve-racking to ask a lady out; the fear of rejection may be terrifying, embarrassing, or paralyzing. I would hate to be the one who irreparably punctures someone’s confidence bubble into a million teeny, tiny little pieces. I really do hate saying no.
But, then there’s this scaredy-cat bullshit of asking us out with a text message. If you asked me out over text messaging, my answer 100% of the time will be “NO.” Texting may make it easier for you to ask girls out, but it also makes it easier for us to turn you down. I do not like being asked out through text message, and I don’t know any female who does. And, I’m pretty sure you know why. But, I’ll still spell it out for you, because I, for one, prefer to make my intentions clear.
- It’s impersonal.
- It makes it seem like you don’t care.
- It’s scaredy-cat bullsh*t.
So, stop it. Now. It’s for your own good.
Now, the second major issue that I face, and this is the one that really gets my goat, is this whole “asking-us-out-without-really-asking-us-out” thing. Whether you are an old friend or someone I just met, saying, “Let’s grab coffee,” does not, under any circumstances, constitute as a date. Make your intentions clear, because when my answer is a simple “sure,” I do not enjoy realizing that you have bamboozled me into a date when you insist on paying for my tea.
I do not like being ambushed!
And, these things keep happening! There’s nobody I can trust! I’m constantly on the lookout. My bullshit detector has never been stronger. I can smell malarkey a mile away. I will not be shanghaied!
I’m onto you, guys.
I understand that times are different. Women are getting bolder and asking guys out more frequently, which is definitely changing the dating game. But, that does not mean it’s your chance to just flop around and expect us to do all the work! I mean, really, men.
On behalf of all ladies, I ask you guys to get it together, guys. Be honest, upfront, and clear.