My dear friend:
I am writing this because I am at a standstill as to what to say to you next. It pains me to watch you suffer. I’m protective of you in your current relationship. Because I know what you deserve, and I don’t see you receiving it. I have become protective over you because you deserve the moon and more, even if you don’t see it.
It hurts to know that I can’t make you see the magic in leaving this relationship. All I can do is stand by your side, continuing to support you as I try to help you see your worth. I know, it’s hard. I have been you, I have been in your shoes before. Holding on to someone even when they tear your heart into pieces. Holding on to someone when the relationship has stopped working. I will never understand or comprehend why some relationships are so cruel. I know how it feels to be emotionally exhausted.
If there is one thing I have learned from my past toxic relationships is that just because you love someone, that does not mean you should be with them.
You aren’t blind to the issues either. They are screaming in your face. Actually, it is me in your face, trying to convince you to move on without offending you. You are not to blame, but you do need to start thinking about what your relationship’s reality. This relationship you are in is a ticking time-bomb and that bomb will eventually explode.
His words pierce your skin, and make you bleed. He makes you feel worthless, maybe he doesn’t physically leave scars, at least not yet, but you have spent enough nights with your tear stained cheeks and your exhausted mind. I cannot stand seeing you like this. Maybe he does have a good side, but I have seen the disrespect he coats your relationship in. All I have seen is a monster hurting someone I love, all I see is someone I love falling apart before my eyes.
The relationship started out healthy. I remember when you first started dating him, you were so happy, so in love, every time you would talk about him, your eyes would shine, and you were always smiling because in your eyes “he was so perfect.” What happened to that happy girl I once knew? Now your eyes are bloodshot red from all the tears you have cried alone at night, the smile you once had is gone, long gone.
I’ve tried to be there for you, I have tried to listen, I have tried to give you advice, and I have tried to give you tough love. I understand how hard it is to let go.
I hope one day you have the courage to walk away.
You do not deserve a toxic relationship. You do not deserve to live like this. And you do not deserve the emotional abuse. I don’t want you sitting at home, alone crying. I don’t want you questioning where he is, or who he is with. And I do not want you to ever ask yourself why you are not good enough. You are more than enough.
How I wish you could see through my eyes just, so you can see how amazing you really are, I wish you could see you are unbelievably beautiful, smart and kind. You can find more joy in your own heart, and rediscover your identity, in a way that was not possible under the limitations of an unstable relationship.
You, on your own, are capable of unlimited possibilities.
Please know that you can and will be okay without him in your life. The loneliness and pain of ending your relationship, will be worse than the pain you are enduring now. It will be hard, exhausting and nearly excruciating to let go and move on. But you will be giving yourself a chance for happiness in the long term and a chance to experience healthy relationships down the road.
You have me. You have support around you. You have the qualities of an individual who deserves to be with someone who truly loves you for who you are. And you deserve to be with someone who will kiss the scars others created. Who will promise to never leave a mark on your skin. You deserve to be with someone who wants to spend time with you. Especially someone who wants to listen and talk to you. And who sees you in ways you never thought you could see yourself. You deserve to be loved unconditionally.
I may not have all the answers. However, if there is some type of unbreakable love worth fighting over, you deserve that kind of love: not this. I want you to know your worth. I want you to be happy again.
Originally published on Mitzi J Hernandez