My sister is substantially more than my best friend. She’s my Cheeks, she’s the reason I’m alive. She’s my best witch and the yang to my yang (because we’re basically the same).
Recently, she’s been enjoying the single life and it would seem whenever she begins chatting with a guy, I begin planning a grand event that involves her wearing a white dress. Truth be told, I’m very protective of her and, to be honest, I don’t think anyone is qualified. Nonetheless, I can’t keep her to myself. She deserves someone to love her as much as I do – although, that may be impossible. I’d date her myself (but that’d be weird, and I’m taken). Therefore, I’ve compiled a simple list to help me weed out the lousy perspectives.
I’m not looking for perfection per se, I’m only looking for someone deserving.
1. You Can’t Be Intimidated
My sister is cooler than you. Last year, she shaved her head and got it tattooed. She carries a knife in her purse, listens to good music, skateboards, dirt bikes
and can get down and dirty. She’s attractive (imagine a porn star fell in love with a beauty queen, and they had a punk-rock baby). She is intimidating, you can’t be easily threatened.
2. You Cannot Be A Loser
Scrubs need not apply. I’m looking for someone with ambition. My sister is young, beautiful and wise. She is like a majestic songbird spreading her wings and blessing us with her vibrant light. She does not need to be wasting her glorious youth on fuckboys and losers.
3. You Can’t Be Territorial.
If you tend to be possessive, my sister isn’t the one for you. She’s one of the guys, and has a long list of male friends; be confident enough to respect that! She can handle herself and she’s not an unfaithful dame.
4. Must Like Dorks
Julie is a dork. I’m not implying that she wears fake glasses and knee-highs in an attempt to be sexy (although, she can rock a pair of knee-highs). She is a straight up dweeb. It’s weird and adorable all at once. She watches live gamers, is always singing about Pina Coladas and constantly revealing random facts about ComicCon, artists, anime shows, and Pokémon competitions. If you’re looking for a more Barbie-like lass, I’d search elsewhere.
5. You Cannot Take Advantage
My sister is loyal, occasionally to a fault. Don’t fucking take advantage of that.
6. Must Be Encouraging
Jules spends a lot of time helping, focusing on and encouraging others. She deserves someone who encourages and believes in her, who sees what we all see her in her and will inspire her to bloom.
7. Must Like Cats
Honestly, must appreciate animals in general. My sister loves animals. She helps out dogs, brings home turtles and doesn’t eat meat. She the owner of two oddball kitties; If you’re allergic or heartless – walk away.
8. You Will Not Take Her For Granted
It’s hard finding the words to describe my Cheeks. She stunningly beautiful, but doesn’t know it. She’s incredibly smart. She’s the strongest gal I know, loyal and a shit ton of fun. Witty with a dry humor which is only appreciated by the best of people. She’s cooler than all of us. My sister is the opposite of basic and she’s fly af. She’s resilient and has an intense capability to love with all of her heart. If you can’t appreciate something this exceptional, fuck off.
Do you have what it takes? Probably not. Regardless, if you meet all the criteria, you should give it a shot.
If there’s anything I love more than anything at all, it’s you Cheeks xox
Originally published on Mommy Without Wine