I see you struggling. I can read the conflicting emotions on your face. I can feel you straining as you feel yourself torn between two opposing forces, two parts of your true self that cannot coexist. You have been trying for a great deal of time to make these two opposites attract, but you can’t mix oil and water and expect them to blend. So, instead, you are living a double life: You present others’ expectations by day and let your true colors show after hours. What is the benefit of this, though?
I see you desperately trying to manage your stress.
It’s like a great balancing act in a circus. You juggle the wants and needs of nearly 150 others while longing to stay true to yourself because you value honesty and transparency above all else. While you are delicately balancing all of these tiny, spinning plates, you are also trying to manage your family, marriage, and home, like balls you toss in the air and catch over and over again. Then, add your own personal struggles: illness, addiction, and recovery. The unicycle that you boldly pedal… is on fire and doesn’t seem to roll the way you want.
The truth is, my friend, you are stretching yourself too thin. You are failing. Though you are most definitely always enough just as you are, you are doing too much. Something’s gotta give; something has to go in order for you to thrive instead of barely survive. It’s time to do some serious soul-searching, brave comrade.
You may think that giving up on a part of your life is a sign of weakness, but often, it is just the opposite. It takes amazing strength to realize that as we grow and evolve during our time on this planet, our passions and callings often change. Actions speak so much louder than words, so what are your actions expressing now? It’s time to take that leap, to do what may seem irrational and impulsive to many, to do what you have felt in your heart for some time now.
Sometimes our head and our heart don’t always see eye-to-eye, and that’s okay.
It is perfectly normal to question, to wonder, to even feel uncertain or unstable. Nobody has all the right answers or knows what to do in every moment of life. Live a little, make mistakes, get messy, but most of all, be present and active in the moment.
You may find yourself needing a steady hand as you try to attempt this newest balancing act, as you try the trapeze for the first time in your life. Know that as you float through the air, worried every time you look down, you are loved, you are amazing, and you can do anything you desire. I’ll always be here, holding your hand through the good times and the bad, through the laughter and the tears. I send you all my love in this time of turmoil. Now, reach for the moon and don’t look back.
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