I Modified Dua Lipa’s ‘New Rules’ To Help You Actually Deal With Your Ex

Twenty one years into my life, I have been listening to my friends’ never-ending stories about their blue relationships. It once got me to the point where I thought that my friends may indeed be the root of the problem. But in the end, I always trust my friends (of course!) and start giving feedbacks against their partners… again.

‘New Rules’ declared by Dua Lipa is still considered the best break up advice. I have no choice but to agree on those three don’ts back then, since they are very easy to understand – not like those regulations in Catholic high schools. She also seems to prove that pretty people cope with troublesome relationships as well. What’s not to follow? That’s why people would turn so quickly into following her suggestions.

After applying an inversion concept, here are the new ‘New Rules’ I propose to help dealing with an ex.

  1.   Don’t Pick Up the Phone

When he calls you, pick up the phone. Be straightforward. Tell him that you are done with him including all the details on why he should have given you your peaceful life back, even if he makes you feel like nobody else. When you decide not to pick up the phone, you’ll be left feeling haunted by curiosity and frustration. You ain’t getting over him in the future and end up being the one who make the phone call.

  1.   Don’t Let Him In

Let him back in your life as a lesson. Having experienced a virtuous tragedy doesn’t worth the waste. Inspect all his natures. You gotta bone up everything on a jerk to know how to handle one, or better, to dodge one. However, if your love memory overtakes your assessment, I’ll go with Dua this time. You’ll have to kick him out again.

  1.   Don’t Be His Friend

It’s still healthy to maintain a friendship with an ex. First, it helps you avoiding awkward moments. Imagine queueing at the same starbucks. You don’t want to pretend reading fictitious texts, do you? Then, you can actually revive an old friendship. Don’t you miss snapchatting each other ugly faces, just before the romance started to spark? It’s possible to have those moments back. You just need to balance your head and your heart. Besides, you don’t have to force the mutual group to pick a side.

Remember that you must always be kind to others, no matter who they are and what they’ve done. After all, we are all humans that are inseparable from mistakes, aren’t we? It sure takes time to heal all the wounds but you’ll still be okay eventually.

However, allow me to spill this tea for those who want to do something for satisfaction (I’m talking about payback cause it’s a bad b**ch). Just be tender and affectionate to him, as normal as possible, but still pay attention to the limit. It’s time to channel your academy award winning talent. Run through all the layers of a kosher soul mate. Practice makes perfect. Try to learn it by heart. Eat, sleep, and breathe it. Rehearse and repeat it. Over the long haul, he may think that it would be possible for you guys to get back together while the fact is otherwise. Keep him friend-zoned. You’ll be good and he’ll be hurt. Since revenge is a personal retaliation, you must decide yourself on whether you’ll be a genuinely or vengefully good friend at this stage.

There will be no more talking in your sleep at night or writing it down and reading it out.

I’ve got new rules, I count ‘em

Featured image from weheartit.

1 COMMENT

  1. I found this article today by accident, and here’s what I have to say:

    Damian, you sound like a wonderful person, but these new three rules you wrote down sound very naïve. I had a very toxic relationship with my ex and the only way I could cut him off from my life was by NOT picking up the phone, NOT being his friend, NOT letting him in. He was not only a jerk, he was horribly toxic for me. He didn’t deserve kindness from me and he will never, because he hurt me like hell for his own joy.

    And let me tell you, had I not done this, I would still be haunted by him today. Sometimes, cutting off all contact really is the best way. So Dua Lipa’s new rules make all the sense in the world to me.

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