On my 18th birthday, I decided to follow through with a plan I started over a year ago. I wanted an escape route, I wanted to find myself and start over again with the hopes of “finding myself”. I went through a weird, dating but not really dating breakup. You know the type where you’re lead on into believing there is something there but realizing they only want sex, yeah I had one of those. So my plan was to run away, to escape the town, get away from the guy and finally make something out of my life–as I thought it wasn’t that great at the time.
With myself only being 17 years old, I was unable to travel very far away. So instead, I moved to a different province in Canada, hoping it would do the trick while I wait until I hit the 18 mark and could move across the world to start a brand new life. To keep this story short, I lasted for a few months and then I returned home, still with the intention to leave Canada once January 1st, 2018 hit.
I had seven months to kill before I left again, even farther this time, and of course as time passes me by things changed, I changed and my views changed. I tried a lot of different jobs, had a lot of great experiences, and met the love of my life. So, you can definitely say that many things have changed within the past few months.
Now, even though all of these incredible things had happened to me, I still for some reason wanted to go away and I couldn’t figure out why. Was I running from my life once again? Did I really want to move across the world and create a new life? What was I thinking? What did I want? And now that I’m here I finally know why I’m here and what I want.
It’s crazy how doing something insane allows you to breathe.
My first two weeks in a new country had me going crazy. I cried all the time, couldn’t sleep and was not enjoying my experience, but on the 16th of January–13 days into my trip, I finally figured out why I was here and what my intentions of this trip were/are.
I was holding a lot of past issues inside of me, not telling anyone or talking about them. I would lash out at the people who hurt me in the past and would hold grudges toward anyone who wronged me. I was a mess; one who had massive mood swings and changed her mind like a person with bipolar disorder, a person who liked her space and hated people. But for some reason, these feelings are starting to go away, they’re starting to shrink and I am finally able to see the truth behind my feelings and behind those who have my back.
Since I have been alone on this trip across the world, which isn’t the most enjoyable, I was able to really dig deep into my inner person. I was able to start my novel about my past–something I’ve been trying to do for many months, and the effect it has on my head, heart and brain is tremendous. I feel as though I can breathe, I can see clearly, think clearly and my judgement isn’t clouded by anyone or anything. I feel free, I am learning so much about myself it is insane. I am learning about my past, who I am as a person and what it is I truly want. I’m taking these weeks of pure travelling and alone time to explore the country of New Zealand, but to also find myself, figure out what’s in my head and to listen to my heart, to grow as a person and return home with the newest update of Ashlyn Thomson.
Overall, this trip has been the most influential trip of my life. I’ve grown so much, seen more of who I am as a person, since I was put in situations i’d never expect i’d be in,- seen more of what I want/need to be happy right now and am currently learning how to deal with everything from my past so that I can move forward and become who I am supposed to become. Now that I’m here and experiencing everything, I’ve also been able to see why I did what I thought I wanted to do, I see what I want to do now and am moving forward with my thoughts and my own ideas/feelings. It feels so good and real to mean every single word on this page that I don’t even want to stop writing. So, I have one more piece of advice to all you readers: do whatever it is you want to do when you want to do it because it may surprise you what you actually get out of it. Now, stop reading this article and go claim the world as yours and find yourself!
Featured Image via Elizabethmerkulova