I was the girl who had a heart full of love; I thrived on that emotion. But for a while I gave up on that, because of you.
I was the girl who had a body full of energy, but you sucked every ounce of energy I had left out of my system. I gave my everything to you and you exhausted me. I’m not a quitter but I certainly felt I couldn’t continue any longer because it wasn’t worth it anymore. I couldn’t go on no matter how hard I tried. My bed is my safe place and that’s where I will stay.
I was the girl who had a mind full of imagination, but you took my thoughts away. I gave you all my mind, then I lost mine. I could no longer be the dreamer I once was because of you. And I hate that you went so far but to damage my creativity and my dreams. Because for the longest time you were the biggest dream I had and the inspiration for some of my creativity.
I was the girl who was as boisterous as a song and as loud as a concert, but you silenced me. You literally made me silent and speechless, a task even I thought would never happen to myself. I learned to refrain from speaking because I guess I was only meant to look at and not speak to, or that my opinion didn’t matter. I lost my voice I was once so proud to have.
I was the girl who loved who she saw when she looked at her reflection in the mirror, but because of you I learned to hate the image I saw back at me. Not because I felt ugly, I just never felt good enough. My self esteem was damaged by your actions, not your words. The confidence I seemed to have radiated soon turned dull and you could see that I had no desire to change it because it wasn’t going to ever bring you back or change your mind.
I was the girl whose eyes were as full of colour and excitement than her personality, but because of you, those colours quickly faded. I became dull and boring. I had no reason to be excited anymore and I quickly found myself in a pit of depression who didn’t have the willpower to pull herself out of it. You drained the rainbow out of my soul, and it’s going to take a lot of work to get it back.
I used to be this girl, but she’s long gone because of you.
Will I ever be her again? Probably, but I won’t exactly be the same. I’ll still have a heart full of love, I’ll still be as energized as I can be without exhausting myself but know when I need to take a break, I’ll still be as creative and inspired as ever without you being my reasoning, and my eyes will regain the colour of my personality, but brighter.
You may have broken me and made me hate who I was because I simply didn’t feel good enough. But you have created a stronger woman who feels no shame, hides no fear and is confident and proud in herself. I’m unapologetic and have embraced who I am with love. You can destroy me all you want, but it’s only going to cause me to rebuild myself to be even more indestructible.
And I love who I’ve become because of you.
Featured image via Jeni Jo