I have been vocal about my feelings. I have said my peace about us. I have communicated in every way I know possible, yet I still get nothing. I have written thoughtful words. I have screamed hurtful things. I have tried to find some middle ground, but I still hear nothing. I have sought comfort from you. I have reached out in your time of need. I have done all that I can do, and yet, I am still given nothing back from you.
You are used to me being there. You have grown accustomed to me reaching out to you and being a part of your life. You have learned to enjoy the attention that you are given and give nothing in return. I’m just normal part of your life, so you don’t see the need to work to keep me around any longer. You have put me on the bench in your life and only feel it necessary to put me in the game when they absolutely need me. So why have I continued to keep sitting around, hoping that you will change your mind?
There is only so much you can do with someone who requires you to be the one to contact them before the loneliness takes over. There is only so much you can say to someone who isn’t willing to go out of their way for you before the compassion begins to fade. There is only so much that a human can give to a person who really doesn’t appreciate their presence in their life before you start to realize your true place. So maybe it is time to step back and take a different approach. Maybe the only thing left to give is silence.
Silence is something we don’t realize until we are in the thick of it. When the music has died and we didn’t realize how loud it was until we feel that emptiness that is left in the room. It is only then that we still feel the vibration that lingers but is left with this hollowness of where it used to be. From the deafening sounds to the constant clear. That is where you can find me.
My absence may not break you, but it certainly speaks volumes louder than the words I continue to spit at you. It will give you the time to reflect on what could have been heard with the words that I spoke so dear. It will give you time to see that my presence should have been acknowledged, as my voice should have been heard. My words may go in one ear and out the other, but my absence will be noticed.
Silence is the only thing that I have left for you. You may not see it now, but this is the only gift that you deserve. You will think that this is unexpected and unannounced, but if you would have seen me all along, you could have seen me slowly backing away. You will think that I didn’t speak loud enough, but sometimes the silence is more deafening than words.