Recently, every single time I go on some form of social media I am told, exactly step by step on how to be happy and how to live. I scroll through articles about, “you can only have fun in your 20’s with your girls,” or “you can be happily single when you’re young.” It made me think about my engagement, and I was starting to wonder, “was I doing my twenties wrong?”
However, when it came down to it, most of the articles that were saying “be single”, were always heavily focused on finding a friend. They were revolving around finding your girl crew or your squad or whatever Taylor Swift is calling it these days. The stories were about how your girlfriends were your soul mates and that these women were the ones that were your basis for strength and fun. But if you found that in a significant other, what were you supposed to do?
See, my fiancé is my best friend. I share information with him, I gossip with him, and once I even made him be my look out as I painted my nails for free in Sephora. I enjoy doing all the things that you would do with a girl, and more, with my fiancé who was theoretically the “girl” that I needed. I know that sounds completely strange, because he isn’t a girl, but he was just the person that I needed.
Women these days seemed to solely be focused on doing the right things to find happiness, not just about achieving happiness. However, when it comes down to it, there is no “right” or correct way. There is only what you like and what you love to do. Happiness isn’t something that someone else can define so easily, no matter how many 600 word articles are written about it.
True happiness is completely unique to each individual person. However, were there other people like me out there? Were there girls that were feminists or happy females, but still wanted to come to their man at the end of the day? Well, the answer might actually surprise you. I was able to find an abundance of women in their 20’s that were completely fine with opening up about their serious and long-term monogamous relationship.
After asking a group of women, I found out that some of these ladies had gotten married when they were only 20 years old and others, like myself were currently engaged and extremely proud of that fact. The numbers were proving that even though I felt like I was the only person in the world that would ever decide to be in a serious relationship in my twenties, I wasn’t alone at all. The real question now was, why? Why were we forcing ourselves as a collective group of women to believe that we HAD to spend our twenties alone?
It’s because our perception of marriage is of a cliché that has drastically changed. Women today that are married and engaged are not committing themselves to the female gender roles that our mothers and grandparents were. Marriage today doesn’t mean immediately getting pregnant and having to wear pearls in the kitchen while making our working husband a meal. It simply means that women can continue to do their feminist and career moves, while having someone at home that is committed to them. Think about it. The two of the greatest feminists in the world, Kim Kardashian West and Beyoncé, are both wives, but they are not just that. They are stars in their own right and they command respect, while still appreciating their femininity. I mean, did you see Kim’s nude selfies?
Being a wife is no longer what your female elders thought it would be. It’s isn’t about settling down. It’s about having a best friend by your side as you slowly, but surely take on the world. The negative connotation of the word, “wife” and “marriage” needs to be eliminated to prove that no, you don’t have to be single to have fun. You just have to do what YOU want to do, whether that be in a squad or a loving relationship.