I am not ashamed to admit that I jumped on the Fifty Shades of Grey bandwagon with the rest of the world. I didn’t read all of the books or countdown the days, but the trailers did their job of getting me excited. When the chance came to see the movie on Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend decided to take me, and it was quite the experience.
Since my boyfriend was going to see the movie with me, I decided the least I could do was bring a few gifts for afterwards. To my surprise, there were entire Fifty Shades of Grey sections of sex shops for a BDSM-themed night.
As I browsed through everything from create-the-scene restraints to things I couldn’t pronounce, I settled on a beginner’s kit and hoped for the best.
Flogger in hand, I headed out for the weekend to visit my boyfriend. We’ve been together for five years, so you can imagine how excited he was to finally get a “practical” Valentine’s Day present.
We decided to wait to use the gifts until the next day after watching the movie. I figured this would be the least I could do since he would have to endure two hours of confusing plot sprinkled with whips.
I don’t know which was worse, the lack of plot or the fact that we were surrounded by a bunch of giggling teenagers. I kept him awake by elbowing him every time a sex scene came up, so he would have some idea about what to do with his new trinkets. But when we got out of the movies all I got was a big yawn and a ‘wow that was the worst movie I’ve ever seen.’
We spent the car ride home laughing about how terrible the movie was and singing to early 2000s songs. When we got home I brought out the flogger and got ready for my very own Shades Of Grey after party.
The look on his face when he came through the door was a little less BDSM and a little more I’m-tired-and-going-to-bed. After I chased him around the room with a flogger for ten minutes, he hesitantly recited a few one-liners from the movie and that was the end of that.
As I laid in bed that night I realized that I was a pretty lucky girl. Not only did I find someone who would go out of his way to buy tickets for two hours of torture just to make me happy, but someone that is willing to explore life with me.
Somewhere between the ten minutes of flogging and forcing him into fuzzy handcuffs that were way too small for him, I realized that there was no one that I could be this ridiculous with than him.
You can find someone that will buy you the world or take you on lavish dates and trips, but until you find someone that trusts you enough to not flinch with a flogger in your hand, what do you really have?
So even though the movie was absolutely terrible, I’d like to thank good ‘ole E.L. James for giving me a night full of laughs. Although he may not be Christian Grey, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Featured image via screen grab from 50 Shades of Grey.